Ebony Magazine: Good Mag, Great Adoption Article, Wrong Language

As an adoption and foster care advocate and adoptive mother, I pretty much wear my feelings on my sleeve.

I'm pretty unapologetic about it.

With that being said, I'm beginning a series today on PC adoption language. Language that's not only politically correct, but also sensitive to the feelings of children that were adopted.

Just last week, while reading the December issue of Ebony Magazine (I know, I'm ridiculously behind), I saw a phrase that jumped off the page at me. The article was entitled "A Second Chance" and told the story of television personality Kevin Frazier and his biological son Tony, adopted as an infant by another couple. Kevin, a teenager at the time of his son's birth, shared about the adoption and his renewed relationship with Tony. It was a beautiful story...

...except for one phrase: Giving the child up for adoption.

At first glance, this may seem like a harmless way to express the actual process of a child being adopted. A birth mother decides to make an adoption plan, works with an adoption agency or attorney, and gives her child up for adoption.

Perhaps you've used this term many times. I certainly used this term many times myself.

Until someone taught me a better way.

Today, I use the phrase "placing a child for adoption." Instead of giving up a child, a birth parent places his or her child for adoption.

We give up chocolate ice cream so we can lose weight. We give up on that boyfriend that just can't get his act together. We give up running when we we're no longer breathing, but gasping and we're afraid our shins might split in two.

Giving up something seldom has a positive connotation.

When a parent places a child for adoption, there's room to discuss her loving, well thought-out choice. The adopted child can sense a conscious, although difficult, plan for his or her future.

Does this phrase cure every feeling of abandonment for an adopted child? Of course not.

But at least this simple word switcheroo shouldn't add to the pain.

Will you try using it today?

Love,

Carla

P.S. And of course I've already emailed Ebony a "Letter to the Editor." Speaking the truth in love...