Christian Alliance for Orphans' Summit 9: My Biggest Takeaway

Last week I attended Christian Alliance for Orphans' (CAFO) 9th Annual Summit.

It was an amazing time.

I'd be writing ALL DAY if I wrote every single take-away I received.

There were adoptive parents and singer-songwriters Steven Curtis Chapman and Nicole C. Mullen that moved the audience with their words as much as their songs.

Then there were the keynote speakers...

Senator Michele Bachmann shared her heart as the mother of 5 biological children and 23 foster children over the years.

Stephen Ucembe told the heartbreaking story of life in a Kenyan orphanage where he received food and clothing, but no hugs, no smiles, no love.

Bishop W.C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas (yes - "Possum Trot, Texas") shared the story of a teeny tiny church in a teeny tiny town that's done HUGE things for Jesus. A pastor and adoptive father, he leads a small church that has adopted 76 children out of Texas' state foster care system. 76 children! Speaking of his small congregation, he said, "We don't have Ph.D.'s and secretaries and people sitting at computers all day, but we have true love. We are doers of the Word."

David Platt reminded us that our heart for orphans simply mirrors the heart of God for His children. He instructed us to think rightly about our call to care for orphans, saying "We are not rescuers. We are the rescued. That's why we care for orphans."

And the list goes on and on...

However, the most compelling session for me was Dr. Karyn Purvis' 4-hour intensive pre-conference workshop.

Dr. Purvis, director of Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, has done years of research on adoption and attachment. Her workshop revealed the effects of a child's unhealthy attachment to his or her parents and the beautiful results of an "emotionally available" parent of a child with a traumatic past.

Dr. Purvis' workshop sent me through a rollercoaster of emotions. I laughed. I cried. But mostly I felt understanding, awareness and grace as I reminisced on how often I've gotten it wrong with my own children.

Some memorable quotes:

"You can give them food, clothes and shoes, but only healthy relationships can heal the pain of a high-risk child." Relief organizations are wonderful and necessary, but children in crisis really need a loving mom and dad.

"Our eyes are a mirror to our child." When I look at my child with eyes of love and acceptance -- even when correcting him or her -- they feel loved and accepted.

"Are you parenting your child out of your wounding, your healing or your journey to healing?" If I don't do the work of sorting through my past and present emotional pain, I can't possibly help my child work through his or hers.

And this is just a small sampling from Dr. Purvis and her book, The Connected Child. 

I am already changed. I am conscious of my tone of voice and facial expressions when I talk with my children, especially Christian, adopted out of a Russian orphanage at age 2. I am generous with words of praise and with touch.

And I've noticed already - my sweet son is a little happier, a little less grumpy and slower to blow up in anger over small things.

To God be the glory.

And thanks to CAFO for Summit 9!

Love,

Carla