Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 1

Over the years, my husband Anthony and I have become "The Adoption Couple."

What I mean by that is, when a couple we know decides they are ready to seriously think and pray about adding to their family through adoption, they usually contact us. If they live nearby, we have them over for a meal, sit across from them and discuss adoption.

If they live far away, we call, Skype, email, exchange Facebook inbox messages -- anything to get a good dialogue going.

We discuss their desires, their dreams, their fears surrounding adoption.

And inevitably this question will come up in some form: Do you love your adopted children as much as you love your biological children?

Of course we're a perfect couple to ask that question, since we've got two biological children and two adopted children.

And it's a fair question -- to which we quickly respond - Yes!

It's a question that I think leads many to reconsider adoption. To even decide NOT to adopt. 

They believe they just couldn't love an adopted child like they would a child they'd birthed.

First, let's break down this fear in hypothetical terms, and then I'll get personal about it.

To me this issue is similar to a married person's question: If I'd married fill in the blank, would I have been as happy as I am with my husband/wife?

This question can lead to second-guessing and regrets. Or maybe it leads to relief and satisfaction. The bottom line is -- you can never really answer the question of "what if?" You can only speculate and hypothesize over whether your marriage with Guy or Girl B would have been as successful as your current marriage.

While married to your current spouse, there's absolutely no way to prove this theory one way or another.

Adoption is a lot like this.

Now let's get personal...

I can never know for sure if I'd love my son Christian or my daughter Joelle more if I'd carried them in my womb. I can only live in the reality of the way God brought them to my family.

What I know for sure is I love them dearly. I want the absolute best for each of them. I expend the same amount of energy loving them as I do their siblings. (Actually more, because together they undoubtably keep the most drama going in the household. I'm just saying.)

And I'm actually more protective of their hearts than their siblings' -- obvious in some of my previous blog postings.

But if I can get real for a minute...

Yes, I've wondered at times if my love would feel different if I'd birthed these two. Yes, I've wondered if the twinkle in my eye would shine a little brighter when I looked at them. And yes, it took days, weeks, even months to fully bond with them when we first adopted them.

But then again, it took nine months to bond with their siblings. Nine months of pregnancy that I didn't have with Joelle and Christian.

The bottom line: I love all four of my children with a mother's love that God birthed in my heart. I love each of them the best way I know how. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I get it wrong.

And when I get it wrong, I'm grateful that they have a perfect Parent that loves them perfectly. They have a Savior that loves them so deeply that He not only would give His life for them.

He already did.

Amen to that.

Carla