Teen MOPS: Helping Keep Children out of the Foster Care System

Hanging out with Teen MOPS

Yesterday, I had the privilege of sharing a short message with the young ladies of Teen MOPS in Little Rock. This group, created out of the popular MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) ministry, reaches out to unwed teen mothers.

My friend and fellow Mosaic Church member (and amazing writer) Tricia Goyer founded and leads this chapter of Teen MOPS. Months ago she'd asked me to share with this group of young ladies, and I hesitatingly said yes. Of course, I tend to be a bit hesitant to speak. Why don't folks just ask me to WRITE? I can do that with my eyes closed. Okay, maybe not. But almost...

But I digress.

So, just days before Christmas, I had the JOY of speaking to these young women -- and two young dads, by the way. And I promise you, I'm sure I was the most blessed of all.

Speaking at Teen MOPS

My talk, "Nurturing Our Babies", dealt with striving to maintain a balance between nurturing and correcting our children. I focused heavily on some advice I've received from Dr. Karyn Purvis, director of Texas Christian University's Institute of of Child Development.

I've learned so much from Dr. Purvis -- her workshops and her book, The Connected Child. Here's one quote I shared with them.

"Each time an infant is held, rocked, fed, and spoken to, brain growth is stimulated. As a child watches her mother's facial expressions and sees how she interacts with others, she learns to read the meaning behind other people's faces and behavior. Without all this vital sensory input, a child's brain circuitry becomes impaired."

I told them that holding and rocking and cooing at their babies, not only makes them emotionally healthy, but SMART. Touching them and looking them directly in the eye makes them feel loved and appreciated and important. And it opens their little hearts up to the love of the Father.

I also shared how God designed our bodies to nurture our children. (Another Dr. Purvis credit.) I told them the next time they hold their babies in their arms to think of this: the distance from the crook of an adult's arm is 8-12 inches.

Guess how far a newborn's vision extends? Yep... 8-12 inches.

A newborn is designed to see his parent's face and facial expression. Can you imagine what it does for that child to see a smiling, adoring face -- at birth? Amazing... It brought me to tears when I shared it last night.

I also shared several ways for them to balance nurture and correction:

• Be your child's advocate, coach and cheerleader
• Play with your child
• Give eye contact when speaking with them, even bending down to speak with them on eye level
• Touch them affectionately (Humans are created to be touched!)
• Use positive words when speaking with them
• When angry, separate yourself from them, and discipline them when your anger has subsided

And then I confessed that I don't get it right with my four children all the time. That I get it wrong a lot. 

But I purpose to love them the best I can.

Sharing all this was a joy, but it broke my heart to think of how many children of unwed parents enter the state foster care system because a parent just can't provide what the child needs. I thought to myself, what if every single parent had a support group like this -- to cheer them on, to help them know they're not alone, to provide the support they desperately need.

We'd have fewer children in our foster care system -- that's for sure. 

This is what some of us call "orphan prevention" -- helping a parent be the best he or she can be. Helping them raise their own children, so those children remain out of the state foster care system.

Helping them love and nurture the children God has given them.

Imagine that...

So Many Davions: A Foster Child's Plea to the Church

Many of you have already read this story.

Some of you could almost feel your heart ripping out when you read it.

But in case you missed it...

It was an ordinary Sunday morning at St. Mark Missionary Baptist Church in St. Petersburg, Florida when 15-year-old Davion Only entered with his caseworker, Connie Going, by his side. This particular morning, he wasn't in church to merely sing hymns, pray, and listen to a good sermon.

Davion had a higher purpose on his heart and mind.

Armed with that purpose, he courageously addressed the congregation. Though fearful, he publicly asked for someone -- anyone -- to consider adopting him.* He asked for a family -- a family that could "reach out and get me and love me until I die."

And he's not picky. "I'll take anyone," he said. "Old or young, dad or mom, black, white, purple. I don't care. And I would be really appreciative. The best I could be."

Some might consider these tactics desperate. I say this young man has vision, and he knows the prognosis of his life is grim. Born to a mother while she was in jail, he's lost count of the many places he's lived. He currently lives in a group home, with 12 other troubled teenage boys.

Four months ago, his dismal situation got even worse. Sitting at a library computer with his birth certificate in hand, he searched for his mother's name for the first time. He found her mug shot online, noted her resemblance and read her rap sheet -- petty theft, cocaine.

Then he saw her obituary. His mother had died just a few weeks before. No chance of reunification now.

So yes, Davion's plea at St. Mark was a desperate one. He knows that with every passing year, month, week, day, and even minute, his chances of finding a forever family decreases. And he knows that if he ages out, his chances of a successful life are minimal.

A few statistics** for the 27,000 young people who age out of U.S. foster care each year:

• 40% become homeless or "couch surf" from home to home
• Nearly 60% of young men who age out have been convicted of a crime
• 52% of aged out males are unemployed
• 75% of young women who age out receive government benefits to meet basic needs
• 50% of all youth who aged out were involved in substance use

Not a pretty picture, is it?

It's the same picture that Davion, and so many "Davions" see when they dream of their futures. Especially African American foster children. Their dreams don't include a cap and gown, a wedding dress or carrying a briefcase to work one day.

But some of them still dream of one thing.

A family.

When Davion shared this dream at St. Mark, he said, "My name is Davion and I've been in foster care since I was born... I know God hasn't given up on me. So I'm not giving up either."

I pray we won't give up on the Davions of our communities, either.

* Since giving his plea at St. Mark Missionary Baptist, several people have inquired about adopting Davion. Let's pray that one of those inquiries will provide him with a loving, godly family.

** Statistics on aging out foster youth are from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

Daring to Dream: 4Kids of South Florida

By Carla Adair Hendricks

Last week, I had the awesome opportunity to join an amazing group of foster care advocates on a trip to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.

I know what you're thinking... And yes, we did see the beach. Yet our mission was greater than any beach trip.

Our mission was to observe and learn from the awesome folks of 4Kids of South Florida, folks that have committed to provide "A Home for Every Child in Crisis."

Our mission is nearly the same. We've named ourselves the "No More Waiting" Team, with a commitment to finding the right family for every waiting child in Arkansas foster care.

Last week's trip was exhilarating, emotional and exhausting.

And I can't wait to see all God's going to do.

But I'll get to that later. For now, I'll recap all He already did.

First of all, God helped us celebrate all He's already done in Arkansas.

Our group represented three organizations* dedicated to foster children in Arkansas. I'll give a nutshell on each.

The CALL's (Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime) mission is to educate, equip and encourage the Christian community to provide a future and a hope for children in foster care.

We do this by recruiting foster parents from local churches, then providing the DCFS-required training for these prospective foster parents. The CALL serves as a bridge between our state agency and local churches. We currently serve in a third of the counties in Arkansas, and have had incredible impact.

I serve the Statewide Board, and I had the privilege of sharing the Florida trip with both the Executive Director Lauri Currier and Co-founder of The CALL, Mary Carol Pederson.

Immerse Arkansas focuses on youth that have aged-out of foster care. Without hope and practical help, these young people face a dismal future. In fact, statistics reveal that 40% of youth that age-out of the foster care system will experience homelessness by the age of 24. Immerse Arkansas exists to give these young people support, guidance and stability as they transition to adulthood.

We were blessed to have the Director and Founder of Immerse Arkansas Eric Gilmore not only on our trip, but leading and coordinating it.

Project Zero exists to help find forever families for children that are available for adoption through the state foster care system. The Project Zero team also seeks to raise awareness surrounding the more than 100,000 children in U.S foster care waiting for a permanent and loving family.

Project Zero's Co-directors Christie Erwin and Caryl Watson were an amazing and energetic addition to our team.

Together these ministries are committed to at-risk children in out state. We are dedicated to "No More Waiting!"

Secondly, God helped us dream of what could be in our state.

And this, my friends, is where 4Kids of South Florida comes in.

Last week, we spent an entire day with various staff members of 4Kids. And if those folks don't fire you up for kids in foster care, you better check your pulse.

4Kids President Doug Sauder began and ended our time with a history of 4Kids, which was originally a merger of 3 separate organizations. He gave a nutshell of how they worked through growing pains and did the hard work of becoming a mature and highly-effective organization.

Thom Lukasik, Vice President of Community Engagement, spent almost the entire day with us -- and I think we considered kidnapping him and bringing him back to Arkansas with us. (Can you kidnap a grown man?)

Thom shared his ministry's vision with us, showed us the most moving video about foster children I've ever seem and answered the two million questions we had. He also took us on a tour of 4Kids' group homes and a special place I'll never forget -- SafePlace.

SafePlace is a temporary shelter for children placed in foster care. Envision this: instead of a child sitting in a state agency office, waiting for an open home to welcome him or her, SafePlace offers a warm, engaging environment for the child to stay, while waiting for that home.

When we first entered SafePlace, I think we'd all braced ourselves for a place full of weepy, forlorn and hopeless children. Actually, what we discovered was a place full of giggling, energetic, happy children! We were amazed and I even wondered, "Do these children know they were just removed from their homes? Separated from their families?"

It was amazing.

And I have to mention the beautiful little three-month old baby in a crib. And the volunteer -- yes, I said volunteer -- that told me she loved working in SafePlace so much that she asked if she could work extra hours until she finds full-time employment. A volunteer that's begging to double her hours. Now, that speaks volumes.

SafePlace is a dream I hope to see realized in Arkansas. Maybe I'll be able to share that here someday.

But for now, I'll leave you with a word from Doug Sauder that resonated with us all...

"The dream is free, but the journey isn't."

Ain't that the truth...

It costs nothing to dream of a home for every child in the US foster care system. It doesn't cost anything to dream of a day when we'll no longer need foster care shelters and group homes. Or a day when every sibling group can go to the same home -- together. 

But the journey to those dreams isn't free. These dreams will cost much: work, time, money, and more work, time and money.

But we must keep dreaming. And we must continue the journey.

* Our team also included Pastor Anthony Hendricks of Mosaic Church of Central Arkansas (and my hubby), Jeff Spry of City Connections, Mark and Jennifer Cherry of Summit Church, Diane Heffington of Immerse Arkansas and David Watson of Project Zero

The First Words of Jesus

We talk a lot about the last words of an ifluencial man or woman. Surely the very last words spoken from the mouth of a dying person must count as some of the most notable, most vital they ever spoke.

But what about someone's first words?

When we think of the first words Jesus will speak to us when we enter His kingdom of heaven, many of us long to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant"... The words that Jesus spoke* to the faithful
servant who had invested his Master's talents, instead of hoarding them.

But those words were spoken to one.

What "first words" will Jesus speak to many? Those can be found later in the very same chapter of the Bible...**

"... Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."

These fortunate souls will be confused at Jesus' words, and respond this way...

"Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"

Imagine Jesus cupping His beloved's face in His hands, and speaking these gentle, life-changing words...

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of mine, you did for me." 

Have you fed a hungry person lately?

Have you given someone a much-needed drink of water?

Have you invited the stranger, the alien into your home? Your church? Your community?

Have clothed a naked person?

Have you cared for a sick person?

Have you visited someone in prison?

Have you been close enough to a person or child in need to touch him or her? To speak encouraging words to him or her? To cup his or her face in your hands?

If you have done any of these things to one considered "the least of these" -- you have done well.

And you've done it for Jesus.




* Matthew 25:21
** Matthew 25: 34-40

Making a Difference: Orphan Sunday

Poverty. Crime. Homelessness. Substance abuse. Human trafficking...

The challenges facing our world can seem daunting - insurmountable even. Maybe, like me, you've wanted to do something -- anything -- to make the world a better place. Maybe, like me, you've witnessed the social ills around you and thought, "It's just too much. I'm only one person. How can I really make a difference in this crazy world?"

Maybe you concluded there wasn't anything much you could do to put a mere dent in the world's problems. So you did nothing.

Or maybe you chose to commit to one cause. You've dedicated your heart, your time and your talent to combat poverty or homelessness or human trafficking.

Or maybe, like me, you've discovered a collective way to impact the world for good -- for God. Maybe you've decided to pour your life into aiding the most vulnerable amongst us. The ones who suffer most under the chains of poverty, crime, homelessness, substance abuse and human trafficking.

Perhaps, like me, you've committed your heart, your time and your talents to serve the ORPHAN.

In serving the orphan, we have the opportunity to serve "the least of these."

The ones in need of an advocate. The ones in need of protection. The ones in need of financial security.

The ones in need of a family.

While serving the orphan, we must tell others about this amazing opportunity. We must spread the word, shout out loud for these precious souls that God adores.

On Orphan Sunday, we have that opportunity.

On Orphan Sunday, we can -- we must -- share with others God's call to the Christian to care for orphans.

On Orphan Sunday, we can tell others of the millions of children in the world without parents and a permanent place to belong.

On Orphan Sunday, we can share how AIDS, war and famine have stripped these defenseless children of their parents.

On Orphan Sunday, we can share with fellow believers that 400,000 children in the US are displaced, living in foster care... that many states rely on shelters and group homes because there aren't enough foster parents to go around... that 100,000 US children are available for adoption and waiting for a forever family.

Many of them will wait forever for that family.

On November 3, 2013 we can speak for those whose voices cannot be heard.

On Orphan Sunday we will "defend the cause of the fatherless." Isaiah 1:17

On Orphan Sunday we can join Christian Alliance for Orphans and churches around the world and stand for the orphan.

One day. One voice. One purpose.

One goal: to make a real difference in this crazy world.

Will you join the cause?

Orphan Sunday. November 3, 2013.

One day. One voice. One purpose.

Michaela DePrince: An Orphan Turned Ballerina

Some time ago, I wrote about inspiring famous adult adoptees like Jamie Foxx, Faith Hill and Steve Jobs.

Today, I want to highlight for some and introduce to others a young adoptee that has literally danced her way into the hearts of her admirers.

Michaela DePrince - CNN.com

Michaela DePrince, born in 1995 and named Mabinty Bangura by her birth parents, had every reason in the world to fail in life.

A quick snapshot of Michaela's feeble beginnings:

• Born in Sierra Leone during its 11-year Civil War

• Her father was shot by rebels during the Civil War -- one of the estimated 50,000 casualties -- when she was only 3-years-old

• Her mother starved to death soon after her father's death

• Orphanage workers mistreated, abused and neglected Michaela, labeling her "the devil's child" because of her "vitiligo", a skin condition causing depigmentation

• After her orphanage was bombed, she fled to a refugee camp

As I stated before, Michaela had every reason in the world to fail in life.

BUT...

Michaela had held on to a dream since finding a magazine outside the gates of her orphanage. In that magazine, she'd admired a picture of a ballerina. That picture inspired her and gave her hope - a hope that followed her to the United States.

A few months after she'd begun carrying the ballerina picture around with her, Michaela was adopted by Elaine and Charles DePrince of New Jersey. They enrolled her in ballet classes soon after her adoption, and at age 18, her life serves as inspiration to many.

BusinessInsider.com

A snapshot of her accomplishments:

• She is currently the youngest member of the acclaimed Dance Theatre of Harlem

• She won a scholarship to the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis School of the American Ballet Theatre after competing with 5000 other young dancers

• Michaela is one of five dancers highlighted in "First Position", a documentary showcasing the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis School competition

• She has already toured three continents

• And the accomplishment that probably earned her the most Tweets and Facebook posts -- she had the privilege of performing on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars."

Michaela is a long way from her orphanage and refugee camp.

AND she is no longer an orphan.

I've heard it said that one of the most inspirational words in the Bible is the word "but." 

"But" denotes a transition, something that God has turned around. When reading the Bible, don't miss the transitions in the text that read - "But God..."

I feel a "shout" coming on!

Have you had a "But God" moment in your life? Has God completely turned around a situation in your life?

The doctors said there was no hope of healing for you, BUT GOD...

Your teachers said you would barely graduate from high school, much less college, BUT GOD...

You were told you would never have children, BUT GOD...

You couldn't figure out how you would make financial ends meet, BUT GOD...

The counselor said there was no hope for your marriage, BUT GOD...

Hallelujah! 

When was your BUT GOD moment in life? Believe me, I've got a few of my own.

Like Michaela, God can turn our situation around if and whenever He wants.

Trust Him today for your next BUT GOD moment.

'Cause He's just good like that.

Left Behind: African American Children and Foster Care

Are African American children getting left behind when it comes to foster care and adoption?

Is the African American church staying behind when it comes to foster care and adoption?

You decide...

I recently joined an initiative of the Christian Alliance for Orphans aimed at encouraging African American Christians to join the orphan care movement.

We've just begun to connect hearts and minds for this purpose, but I believe God is already moving among us.

One blessing I've recently received from this group is a list of statistics entitled "Foster Care and the African American Community," compiled by Darrell "D.J." Jordan, Jr. This document contains some dismal stats, a few of which I'll pass on.

• Although African American children represent 14% of the general U.S. children population, they make up 27% of the foster care population.

• Many states have an alarmingly disproportionate ratio of African American children in the foster care system versus the percentage of African American children in the state's population. For example: in Maryland, 65% of foster children are African American while only 32% of all children are African American. In Illinois, 55% of foster children are African American while only 16% of all children are African American. Many other states* have disproportionate numbers as well.

• African American children have lower rates of adoption from the foster care system than those of other races and ethnicities.

• A higher rate of poverty is among several factors contributing to the higher proportion of African American children entering and remaining in foster care.

• Children of color enter foster care at a higher rate, stay longer and leave at a slower rate than white children.

• Children of color are also far less likely to be reunified with their families.

The bottom line? The foster care system has far too many African American children that remain in the system far too long. Too few African American children get adopted out of the system and too few are reunited with their families.

Too many African American children are STUCK in the US foster care system.

So what are WE going to do about it? 

I'm going to pray and fight for these children. 

We can't afford to leave these children behind any longer.

Carla

* Delaware, Mississippi, New York, New Jersey, Georgia, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Michigan, Alabama, North Carolina, Virginia, Wisconsin, Florida, Ohio and the District of Columbia all have disproportionate ratios of African American children in foster care.

"Yeah, what she said..." Foster Care Advocate Rep. Karen Bass

"The purpose of influence is to speak up for those who have no influence."

I love this quote from Pastor Rick Warren, author of The Purpose-Driven Life. I've repeated these words ever since I heard them spoken during a CNN interview with Piers Morgan.

I've also tried to live them.

In my own small circle of influence, I've committed to speak up for the fatherless -- children without families, without loving parents, without a safe place to lay their heads at night.

What encourages me even more is when I see or hear or read about someone else speaking up for the fatherless too -- especially someone with huge influence.

So I was excited to read an article in the May issue of Essence Magazine entitled "Fostering Hope: A powerful voice in politics works to reform America's foster care system." "Fostering Hope" highlighted California Representative Karen Bass, founder of the newly-created Congressional Caucus on Foster Youth, whose "voice rings loudest for those she says are most silenced."

Rep. Karen Bass

As I read this story, I felt myself thinking, "Yeah, what she said!" 

Rep. Bass is committed to fight for foster care reform and new legislation created to empower U.S. foster children. 

So I'll share a little of what she said here...

According to Rep. Bass, the worst challenge facing today's foster children is instability.

"They know that at any moment a social worker can yank them out of their foster home or school. Foster youth don't get to be normal, outrageous teenagers... Because of this, these youngsters lack secure connections with adults, and without a stable home and parent, other issues arise, usually with their education and health. Some switch schools multiple times, while others run away, become homeless and abuse substances. And a new phenomenon is that older men -- and tragically even some foster boys -- lure foster girls into sex work, mostly starting at age 12."

Runaways, homelessness, substance abuse, sex trafficking... The future is bleak for many foster children.

Yet as much as I love the push to support foster children, recently God's been moving my heart to take a "step backward" in my advocacy for children. While I'm still very passionate about finding homes for children who need either temporary foster families or permanent forever families, I'm also rooting for ministries that support at-risk children before they are removed from their original families. 

I pray that more children can be supported before they become orphans.

I was delighted to discover that Rep. Bass agrees..

"Most states and countries have serious restrictions on federal financing for foster youth. The system normally requires social workers to remove a child from the biological parents before the foster care system can provide that child with money or resources. A better solution would be to use the money to help that child's family and, if possible, not put the child in the system at all."

All I can say is, "Yeah, what she said!"


**Think about it: Who are you using your influence for today? Who are you speaking up for today?

Carla

Great Minds Thinking Alike: Jen Hatmaker

A couple weeks ago, I felt a heavy burden in the area of adoption and orphan care.

My burden resulted in my last post, "Orphan Justice: How Adoption Only Scratches the Surface". This post led to a great conversation with like-minded people on the subject, and also led me to writer/ speaker/pastor's wife Jen Hatmaker's blog series - "Examining Adoption Ethics."

When I read her third installment, I kept thinking, "Yes! Amen! Hallelujah!" Because I didn't realize I'd been echoing her sentiments in my own blog.

I'll pull out a few highlights and notable quotes for you:

"...Let's get our numbers straight... There are an estimated 153 million kids who've lost only one parent, so the term "orphan" is somewhat misleading... Unicef estimates around 2 million children in institutional care..."

My tidbit: Folks we've got to get our numbers right when we cite the number of "orphans" in the world. Although 2 million is a very large number (and UNICEF admits that this number is low due to underreporting in certain countries), it's a lot lower than 153 million!

Another thing I'm learning from my friends and co-laborers in the Arkansas Department of Children and Family Services... The word "orphan" is a misnomer for the 500,000 children in US foster care. These children almost always have a living parent, so they are nobody's orphans. As Christians, we understand the biblical mandate to "Care for Orphans," but we have to know in our hearts that we are oftentimes not dealing with a true "orphan."

"If we are truly concerned about orphan care, international adoption simply cannot be where we concentrate all our efforts. It leaves too many children behind."

My tidbit: I wholeheartedly agree with my Sister. And I'm the mother of a son adopted internationally. We've got to find strategies to encourage Russians to adopt Russian children, Ethiopians to adopt Ethiopian children and South Koreans to adopt South Korean children.

In his book Orphan Justice, Johnny Carr emphatically agrees, and works diligently towards that end. But I blogged about that last time...

My last Hatmaker quote:

"It is unacceptable that poverty makes orphans. That is a gross injustice at the root of these astronomical numbers. If you must relinquish your child because you cannot feed, educate, or care for him, the international community should rise up and wage war against that inequity. Every family deserves basic human rights, and I should not get to raise your child simply because I can feed him and you can't. 

"To that end, what better response than working to preserve (or reunite) first families where poverty or disempowerment is an orphan-maker?"

My tidbit: Amen! Amen! Amen!

For the last six months or so, God's been doing a transformational work on my heart. I am feeling a draw to support efforts that not only serve and benefit children displaced from their birth families, but to support the efforts that take a step backwards in this process.

How amazing would it be to not only care for orphans, but to care for disadvantaged families, with the hope and prayer that maybe their children will never become orphans?

This is no small undertaking. This is no minor calling. And this isn't as cute as adopting that adorable brown-eyed nine-month-old from Ethiopia.

No, this is a calling to get into the dirt and grime of material and spiritual poverty.

This is a calling to go where Jesus went.

It's a calling to go where He already is.

Let's go, Family.


Love,

Carla

Orphan Justice: How Adoption Only Scratches the Surface

I recently finished a book that challenged me in ways I didn't expect.

When I picked up Johnny Carr's Orphan Justice: How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting, I figured Brother Johnny would just be preaching to the choir. 

After all I've not only adopted two children, but I have also dedicated my life to fighting for other children that continue to wait for a loving adoptive family.

And who knows how many hours I've given to volunteer work for The CALL, a nonprofit organization in Arkansas that recruits prospective foster and adoptive parents from local churches, then provides the state-mandated training for those parents.

Surely I'd be considered "the choir" when it comes to orphan care ministry.

How wrong I was.

Orphan Justice not only encouraged me to continue fighting for the world's most vulnerable children, it also encouraged me to minister in ways that I'd not previously considered.

Today, I'll share my biggest "Ah hah" moment from the book:

Adoption Ain't Always the Answer

In his introduction, Carr cites that humongous statistic from UNICEF: 153 million kids worldwide that have lost one or both parents.

But then he makes this statement: 

"You may think I am here to tell you that American Christians need to step up and adopt all of these orphaned children. I am not. I believe adoption is a great ministry; in fact, I have adopted kids of my own. However, not all of these 153 million kids can - or need to - be adopted. But they do need our help. And we must give that help, because orphaned and vulnerable children have no other hope or future."

For the past year, God has been challenging me in my fierce support of adoption. He has shown that at times adoption can be the easy way out. 

Now, I still believe God calls many of us to foster and adopt children in need. I'll preach that sermon until the day I die.

But stay with me here...

Think about it: It's easier to terminate a parent's parental rights than to provide long-term parental training, guidance and mentorship. It's easier to find an adoptive family for a baby that was abandoned due to his or her parents' financial desperation than to financially assist the family and help them find sustainable sources of income.

It's also easier to love a cute, cuddly baby or toddler than it is to love their drug-addicted or incarcerated or homeless parent.

Bottom line: As long as the adoption process can take, it's definitely a lot faster - and easier - than walking alongside a family to help them support and raise their own child.

So What Can We Do?

Imagine a world where Ethiopian people open their homes to all the orphans in Ethiopia. Where Russians open their homes to each Russian orphan. Where Indians open their homes to every orphan in India. 

A world where international adoption is seldom necessary.

A world where orphanages are seldom needed.

As the national director of Bethany Christian Services' Church Partnerships, Johnny Carr is leading a movement to help Christians and churches in countries around the world care for their own orphans. In Ethiopia, Bethany has trained Ethiopian pastors to promote and help facilitate local foster care for orphaned children. So instead of living in orphanages, these children live with loving, godly families.

We can financially support, pray for and possibly volunteer for ministries like these.

We can also seek ways to encourage vulnerable families right in our own communities.

"People in poverty need support systems, good role models, and knowledge of the 'hidden rules' of the middle class," says Carr. "Many poor people, especially those whose families have been impoverished for generations, do not have these resources available to them, they don't know how to get them, and most do not even know they need them. As Christ followers, we need to help provide these resources in order to help children and their families get out of poverty, which will then decrease the number of orphaned, abandoned, and vulnerable children in our society. We are commanded to help orphans, but how much better it is if we can prevent children from becoming orphaned or abandoned in the first place."

This, my friends, is Christianity at work. This is the gospel in action. This is the call of the Church.

So what are we going to do about it?

Carla

Hitting Home: Crisis in US Foster Care

What comes to mind when you hear the word orphan?

You may think of children far away, across the seas.

You may think of the Indian or Russian or Sudanese child that has lost his or her parents to AIDS or extreme poverty or civil war.

Your mind may conjure up images of the children you've seen on world relief organizations' commercials -- distended bellies, bodies like skeletons, flies landing on nearly every body part...

And while that image truly exists in many parts of the world, let's not forget a simple truth: There are orphans right here in America.

The orphan crisis in the US may look a little different from other countries, but it's still a crisis, one I've ranted over before.

Well, since it's May and happens to also be Foster Care Awareness Month, I feel the need to rant a little more. Please bear with me for just a bit...

Today over 500,000 children are in state foster care in the U.S. 

Unfortunately, most states don't have a sufficient number of foster care homes to take in these children.

Many foster children end up in temporary shelters and group homes, when what they really need is a safe short-term family.

Of these 500,000 foster children, over 100,000 are legal orphans, meaning while they may have at least one living parent, their parents' legal parental rights have been terminated in the courts of their respective states.

...Which means - there are over 100,000 children in our country waiting to be adopted.

Few of these children are blonde, blue-eyed infants.

Most of them are over the age of 6.

Some of them are teenagers that have bounced from home to home.

Many of them have special needs and behavioral challenges.

Many of them are African American.

ALL of them need a loving family - TODAY.

There are many wonderful Christian organizations working hard to meet the needs of foster children in their respective states: The CALL, Project Zero, Project 1.27, 4Kids of South Florida, just to name a few.

But they need individual Christians to join in their mission.

What can YOU do? What can I do?

It's a question we must ask ourselves.

It's a question we should seek God about.

Will you?


Carla

Christian Alliance for Orphans' Summit 9: My Biggest Takeaway

Last week I attended Christian Alliance for Orphans' (CAFO) 9th Annual Summit.

It was an amazing time.

I'd be writing ALL DAY if I wrote every single take-away I received.

There were adoptive parents and singer-songwriters Steven Curtis Chapman and Nicole C. Mullen that moved the audience with their words as much as their songs.

Then there were the keynote speakers...

Senator Michele Bachmann shared her heart as the mother of 5 biological children and 23 foster children over the years.

Stephen Ucembe told the heartbreaking story of life in a Kenyan orphanage where he received food and clothing, but no hugs, no smiles, no love.

Bishop W.C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas (yes - "Possum Trot, Texas") shared the story of a teeny tiny church in a teeny tiny town that's done HUGE things for Jesus. A pastor and adoptive father, he leads a small church that has adopted 76 children out of Texas' state foster care system. 76 children! Speaking of his small congregation, he said, "We don't have Ph.D.'s and secretaries and people sitting at computers all day, but we have true love. We are doers of the Word."

David Platt reminded us that our heart for orphans simply mirrors the heart of God for His children. He instructed us to think rightly about our call to care for orphans, saying "We are not rescuers. We are the rescued. That's why we care for orphans."

And the list goes on and on...

However, the most compelling session for me was Dr. Karyn Purvis' 4-hour intensive pre-conference workshop.

Dr. Purvis, director of Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, has done years of research on adoption and attachment. Her workshop revealed the effects of a child's unhealthy attachment to his or her parents and the beautiful results of an "emotionally available" parent of a child with a traumatic past.

Dr. Purvis' workshop sent me through a rollercoaster of emotions. I laughed. I cried. But mostly I felt understanding, awareness and grace as I reminisced on how often I've gotten it wrong with my own children.

Some memorable quotes:

"You can give them food, clothes and shoes, but only healthy relationships can heal the pain of a high-risk child." Relief organizations are wonderful and necessary, but children in crisis really need a loving mom and dad.

"Our eyes are a mirror to our child." When I look at my child with eyes of love and acceptance -- even when correcting him or her -- they feel loved and accepted.

"Are you parenting your child out of your wounding, your healing or your journey to healing?" If I don't do the work of sorting through my past and present emotional pain, I can't possibly help my child work through his or hers.

And this is just a small sampling from Dr. Purvis and her book, The Connected Child. 

I am already changed. I am conscious of my tone of voice and facial expressions when I talk with my children, especially Christian, adopted out of a Russian orphanage at age 2. I am generous with words of praise and with touch.

And I've noticed already - my sweet son is a little happier, a little less grumpy and slower to blow up in anger over small things.

To God be the glory.

And thanks to CAFO for Summit 9!

Love,

Carla

Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 3

Why do many people never consider adoption? The reasons are many.

I. They don't believe they can love an adopted child like a biological one.

II. They don't know what they're going to get.

And drum roll for numero tres...

III. Adoption is so doggone expensive!

Reason #3 is probably the reason I've heard more often than any other. 

Here's a common scenario: An eager would-be adoptive parent breaks out of the starting gate researching adoption through several sources: the internet, stacks of books from the library and the bookstore and through social media.

And of course, they interview other people that have already adopted children.

Before adopting my son Christian, my husband Anthony and I did all this. (Well, except the social media step. I didn't know what social media was back in 2002!)

And I also remember the night that Anthony and I sat in our first informational meeting at Children's Hope International in Brentwood, Tennessee. The agency director had explained the general process of international adoption and answered a few questions. She'd also slipped a picture of a gorgeous 2-year-old Christian into my lap, causing me to miss much of what she said that evening.

I was so sure we were supposed to adopt this little boy from Russia.

And then the inevitable happened.

She began to discuss their adoption fees, and it was all downhill from there.

My husband says to this day that once he heard the bottom line cost of a Russian adoption, he just knew this adoption couldn't possibly be God's will!

Thank God we had sense enough to move beyond our emotions to a place of prayer and fasting, during which time the Lord clearly told us to move forward to adopt Christian.

Bottom line: I totally get the "sticker shock" people feel over adoption fees.

It's understandable when research shows that adoption can cost anywhere from $5000 to $50,000*.


The U.S. and international adoption process can be quite complex, with many factors to consider. There are medical fees for the birth mother, attorney fees and adoption agency staff salaries. Oftentimes, there are travel costs to tally up as well.


This is no small investment.

And yet, I have yet to meet an adoptive parent who says it wasn't worth it.

But there is help for those venturing into the complicated terrains of adoption. Just googling the words "funding an adoption" provides several links to websites dedicated to helping people find ways to pay for their adoptions.

There are grants created solely for adoptions. Many corporations provide their employees with matching grants. Some churches provide financial gifts towards members' adoptions. And of course there are many, many creative ways to save for and raise adoption fees - like yard sales, benefit concerts and online small businesses.

The major question, however, is not "How can I afford an adoption?"

The real question is, "Am I really called to adopt?"

Because, ultimately, anything God calls me to do, He's going to make it happen.

Even when I don't have enough money sitting in the bank.

After all, He's "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."**

Knowing that, I ask, could He possibly provide the monies you need to adopt a child?

He did for me.

And of course, He can do if for you too.

Carla


* Please note that adoption through your state's foster care system requires little, and sometimes almost no cost at all. This is a wonderful option for families willing to consider children with more special needs and older children. And there is a huge need for families like this in every state.

** Ephesians 3:20

Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 2

If you read "Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 1" earlier this week, you know I'm writing a series examining why many people say no to adoption.

One reason, which happens to be a very important one, is they don't feel called to adopt. And although God tells us all to care for orphans (James 1:27), we're not all called to adopt.

However, I believe that many more people would at least consider adoption if they overcame their fears and reservations.

I've decided to call out those fears and reservations here at "Caring For Orphans".

Without further ado... Numero Dos:

When you adopt a child, you don't know what you're going to get.

First of all, if you've ever said or thought these words...

You're right!

Even if you receive extensive medical background on your child's birth mother and birth father, which is rare even in a domestic (United States) adoption, you still don't know exactly what you're going to get. Your child could develop cancer or childhood diabetes or even a mental disorder.

But guess what?

So could your biological children.

And yet, there is a sense of security in knowing your child's medical history. You know Aunt Suzy died after a battle with breast cancer. You're aware of Uncle Ned's alcoholism, even if the family tries desperately to hide it.

And on the spiritual side...

There is a peace in knowing that you and your spouse prayed for your child during pregnancy -- some even before conception takes place. There's a peace in knowing the spiritual legacy of your child.

There's so much security in knowing.

But sometimes, we can have a false security in parenthood. We expect our children to turn out exactly the way we've prayed they would. We expect our children to be godly and accomplished and smart. We expect our children to be mentally, physically and spiritually healthy -- just as we've prayed they would.

One of the most difficult realities of parenthood is -- there are no guarantees.

That's true whether our children join our family through biology or adoption.

Now, just to keep it real...

There may some special concerns with an adopted child, especially when you consider the trauma a baby experiences by being separated from his or her birthparents. Especially if you consider a child adopted at at an older age, a child that remembers life pre-adoption. And especially if you consider a child that struggles with feelings of abandonment and rejection by the very people that brought him or her into the world.

Let's just be real -- raising an adopted child isn't easy.

But then, raising a child -- even a biological one -- isn't easy. 

Amen.

And we're never guaranteed a healthy, smart, spiritually-whole child. Even the ones we birth.

We guide, we teach, we love and we pray. And we believe the best for each of our children, knowing that their heavenly Father would want nothing less for them.

And we mustn't allow our fears to prevent us from opening our hearts and our homes to a child that desperately need us.


Carla

Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 1

Over the years, my husband Anthony and I have become "The Adoption Couple."

What I mean by that is, when a couple we know decides they are ready to seriously think and pray about adding to their family through adoption, they usually contact us. If they live nearby, we have them over for a meal, sit across from them and discuss adoption.

If they live far away, we call, Skype, email, exchange Facebook inbox messages -- anything to get a good dialogue going.

We discuss their desires, their dreams, their fears surrounding adoption.

And inevitably this question will come up in some form: Do you love your adopted children as much as you love your biological children?

Of course we're a perfect couple to ask that question, since we've got two biological children and two adopted children.

And it's a fair question -- to which we quickly respond - Yes!

It's a question that I think leads many to reconsider adoption. To even decide NOT to adopt. 

They believe they just couldn't love an adopted child like they would a child they'd birthed.

First, let's break down this fear in hypothetical terms, and then I'll get personal about it.

To me this issue is similar to a married person's question: If I'd married fill in the blank, would I have been as happy as I am with my husband/wife?

This question can lead to second-guessing and regrets. Or maybe it leads to relief and satisfaction. The bottom line is -- you can never really answer the question of "what if?" You can only speculate and hypothesize over whether your marriage with Guy or Girl B would have been as successful as your current marriage.

While married to your current spouse, there's absolutely no way to prove this theory one way or another.

Adoption is a lot like this.

Now let's get personal...

I can never know for sure if I'd love my son Christian or my daughter Joelle more if I'd carried them in my womb. I can only live in the reality of the way God brought them to my family.

What I know for sure is I love them dearly. I want the absolute best for each of them. I expend the same amount of energy loving them as I do their siblings. (Actually more, because together they undoubtably keep the most drama going in the household. I'm just saying.)

And I'm actually more protective of their hearts than their siblings' -- obvious in some of my previous blog postings.

But if I can get real for a minute...

Yes, I've wondered at times if my love would feel different if I'd birthed these two. Yes, I've wondered if the twinkle in my eye would shine a little brighter when I looked at them. And yes, it took days, weeks, even months to fully bond with them when we first adopted them.

But then again, it took nine months to bond with their siblings. Nine months of pregnancy that I didn't have with Joelle and Christian.

The bottom line: I love all four of my children with a mother's love that God birthed in my heart. I love each of them the best way I know how. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I get it wrong.

And when I get it wrong, I'm grateful that they have a perfect Parent that loves them perfectly. They have a Savior that loves them so deeply that He not only would give His life for them.

He already did.

Amen to that.

Carla

Ebony Magazine: Good Mag, Great Adoption Article, Wrong Language

As an adoption and foster care advocate and adoptive mother, I pretty much wear my feelings on my sleeve.

I'm pretty unapologetic about it.

With that being said, I'm beginning a series today on PC adoption language. Language that's not only politically correct, but also sensitive to the feelings of children that were adopted.

Just last week, while reading the December issue of Ebony Magazine (I know, I'm ridiculously behind), I saw a phrase that jumped off the page at me. The article was entitled "A Second Chance" and told the story of television personality Kevin Frazier and his biological son Tony, adopted as an infant by another couple. Kevin, a teenager at the time of his son's birth, shared about the adoption and his renewed relationship with Tony. It was a beautiful story...

...except for one phrase: Giving the child up for adoption.

At first glance, this may seem like a harmless way to express the actual process of a child being adopted. A birth mother decides to make an adoption plan, works with an adoption agency or attorney, and gives her child up for adoption.

Perhaps you've used this term many times. I certainly used this term many times myself.

Until someone taught me a better way.

Today, I use the phrase "placing a child for adoption." Instead of giving up a child, a birth parent places his or her child for adoption.

We give up chocolate ice cream so we can lose weight. We give up on that boyfriend that just can't get his act together. We give up running when we we're no longer breathing, but gasping and we're afraid our shins might split in two.

Giving up something seldom has a positive connotation.

When a parent places a child for adoption, there's room to discuss her loving, well thought-out choice. The adopted child can sense a conscious, although difficult, plan for his or her future.

Does this phrase cure every feeling of abandonment for an adopted child? Of course not.

But at least this simple word switcheroo shouldn't add to the pain.

Will you try using it today?

Love,

Carla

P.S. And of course I've already emailed Ebony a "Letter to the Editor." Speaking the truth in love...

Praying for two Orphan Advocates: Rick and Kay Warren

Yesterday, my heart broke for Pastor Rick and Kay Warren, leaders of Saddleback Church in California. I've followed Rick's ministry ever since I read his book Purpose Driven Church, the year before my husband Anthony and I answered the call to full-time ministry. Yes, that was even before the amazingly popular Purpose Driven Life.

Rick and Kay are Bible-teachers, evangelists and encouragers of those of us trying to walk this faith-in-Jesus thing out.

They are also serious orphan advocates.

I love their hearts. But today my heart breaks for their hearts.

On Friday, after a life-long struggle with mental illness and severe depression, their son Matthew took his own life.

Matthew Warren

Rick's own words about this loss:

"No words can express the anguished grief we feel right now. He had a brilliant intellect and a gift for sensing who was most in pain or most uncomfortable in a room. He'd then make a bee-line to that person to engage and encourage them."

I would have loved to have met such a beautiful person. I look forward to meeting him in heaven some day.

Let's reach out to hurting people while we still have time. We'll never know the difference it might make.

Love,

Carla

Your turn:

Please pray for the Warren family and for their loss. Feel free to share your thoughts here about Matthew or his parents, Rick and Kay.

Less Like Toni Morrison, More Like Jesus

On Tuesday I finally -- after resisting for months -- began this new blog. Creating Caring For Orphans felt exciting, exhilarating, empowering.

And then Wednesday rolled around, and I felt unmotivated, uninspired, and unmoved. I thought, "Okay, what now?" I had no idea what to write next.

Me, the adoption guru. The adoption zealot. The adoption know-it-all.

I, for once in my life, was at a loss for words.

And yet, I don't think my writer's block came from a lack of something to say. I think I was overwhelmed with SO MUCH that could be said. The areas of adoption, foster care and orphan care ministry are so vast -- where do I begin?

Where do we go from here?

Well, over the next weeks and months, I'll be sharing whatever is on my heart at that particular time. Sometimes I'll share personal thoughts surrounding adoption. Other times I'll give practical advice for adoptive parents or for those contemplating adoption. Many times I'll link adoption to something going on in the culture, because you know, adoption is ALL around us.

But today, if you'd allow me to get a little personal, I'd like to share about my mission and calling.

You see, not long ago, my heart was filled with a completely different set of goals and desires. I wanted to be Toni Morrison. Well, not Toni Morrison exactly, but I wanted to be an acclaimed writer like her. I wanted to write amazing, captivating fiction like Toni writes. I wanted to change the world, one word at a time.

Then I realized God had a different plan.

Oh, I still felt called to write. I still hoped to even publish a book one day. But I'd experienced a complete paradigm shift.

I felt a pull to use my writing -- and now speaking -- to share about what I'm most passionate about. I felt called to share about the need for Christians to open their hearts and homes to children that need a mommy and a daddy. I felt called to encourage Christians to open their wallets and Coach bags to assist adoptions and fund nonprofits dedicated to orphan care.

And since I accepted that calling, God has opened up a whole new world.

I'm still not sure where He's taking me, but I'm looking forward to a crazy ride.

The moral of this story: we must ALL consider laying down our desires in order to pursue God's desires. Even better than that -- the believer's heart desires should be so intertwined with God's that we can hardly tell where His end and ours begin.

That's my desire.

So my writings might not ever resemble Toni Morrison's, but hopefully my life resembles my Savior's.

What about yours?

Living for Him,

Carla


Your Turn:

Have you ever had to lay down your heart's desires and dreams to pursue God and His calling for your life? Tell me about it here!

Introducing... "Caring For Ophans"

I know, I know...

"Not another blog," you're saying right now.

Trust me, I understand your sentiments. I've been saying those words to myself for months now. Ever since I began feeling the Lord prompting me to create a new blog.

And believe me: I tried to do a Jonah, if you remember that guy in the bible who tried to run from God. Isn't that crazy? How does one "run from God?"

I don't know, but I sure tried.

I've known for several months now that God has been wanting me to begin a blog solely about adoption, foster care and orphans. I just kept saying to myself, "Another blog? Not another blog..."

In my current blog, "Deep Waters", I often publish posts about adoption and/or foster care. I've highlighted famous adoptees. I've shared about my involvement in adoption/foster care nonprofits like The CALL. And I've retold the adoption journey that led me to my now 12-year-old Christian, adopted from Russia.

Sometimes, I post random musings about these subjects like "Five Things Not to Say to Adoptive Parents".

Basically, I've talked a lot about adoption there.

Well, now it's time to talk a lot more about adoption here.

So, my question is: will YOU join me for the journey? The road may be windy and a little bumpy at times, but I'd love to have you here beside me. So...

Let's go!

CARLA