Powerful Words from CAFO2014

Last week I attended CAFO2014 - the 10th annual conference of the Christian Alliance for Orphans. This conference represents a movement of adoption/foster care/orphan care advocates from around the country and world. I could post all week about it, but instead I'll confine my "aha moments" to this one post by sharing notable quotes.

I was invited to open CAFO2014 up in prayer on Friday!

"We must yearn for restoration, not only for the child, but for the entire family." Jedd Medefind, CAFO President

An undercurrent throughout CAFO2014 was the movement towards family preservation and what I like to call "orphan prevention". The thought behind this: Provide spiritual, emotional, material and financial aid to families in crisis on the front end, hopefully preventing their children from becoming orphans in the first place. If we support families before they reach abject poverty, destructiveness and hopelessness, then maybe we can help keep their children out of the foster care system, group homes and orphanages.

So yes, Jedd, let's pray and fight for the restoration of families here in the U.S. and abroad!


"Urban Orphans" - Tyrone Flowers, President of Higher M-Pact in Kansas City, Missouri. 

This is less a quote and more a new vocabulary term for me. Tyrone Flowers shared a powerful testimony of his youth spent in multiple foster homes, detention centers, reform schools and hospitals, recovering from gun wounds that left him paralyzed. 

His triumphant story of giving His life to Christ, attending college and law school, then starting a non-profit to reach out to youths struggling as he did, reminded me to remember the orphans in my own community. These "urban orphans" may not be legal orphans, but as Tyrone said, we have to get busy "supporting the kids that aren't legal orphans, but have no strong parental guidance." After all, their futures can be as dismal as the child with no parents.


"Before our children got hurt, our Heavenly Father created the balm. I'm glad we serve a God who is Jehovah Rapha, God, our Healer." Dr. Karyn Purvis, Director of the Institute of Development at Texas Christian University

Can I just say - Dr. Purvis is absolutely my She-ro. Love. This. Woman. She has a fierce love and passion for "children from hard places", and I have two of those children in my own family who came to us through adoption. Needless to say, this conference isn't complete until I've gotten a word from Dr. Purvis. 

And she did not disappoint. She reminded me as an adoptive Momma that God is my children's heavenly Father and that He will ultimately heal any wounds that their separation from their birth families and, subsequently, their feelings of abandonment may create in them. Thank you, Dr. Purvis.


"Anger is the main tool of Satan to steal, kill and destroy anything good in us and our relationships." Dr. Gary Smalley, family counselor, author and speaker

What a treat to hear from Gary Smalley on the topic "The Single Most Important Ingredient to Effective Ministry: A Vibrant Marriage." As a pastor's wife I am brutally aware of the enemy's attack on the marriages of us soldiers on the front lines of ministry. It was refreshing to be reminded that my husband and I are in a war, but we are not alone in that war.


"Shame tells us 'you're not enough, the world is not enough, God is not enough.'" Dr. Curt Thompson, psychiatrist, author, founder of "Being Known"

This workshop was a game-changer for me. When I saw the title "Shame: Healing the Story of Our Lives", I knew I had to put my rump in a seat in this session. I will blog more extensively about this workshop later in my other blog site Deep Waters, but I had to share this quote. Shame has done more to destroy our joy, our relationships and our purposes in Christ than maybe anything else. Shame is at the root of sin. And it's destructiveness wreaks havoc on us and our families. 

But more on that in a future blog...

I could go on and on all day sharing amazing quotes from the amazing people of God who spoke at CAFO2014, but these five rose to the top for me. They blessed my soul and, hopefully, have blessed yours as well - maybe enough for you to plan for CAFO2015...

For Him,

Carla

Nelson Mandela - A Love for Children

Nelson Mandela... Few names evoke the reverence and respect of this great leader of our time.

I have reflected much on our "Madiba" and even blogged about him after his recent passing.

However, I wanted to share a few more of his words here at "Caring for Orphans." These words express Madiba's love for children -- not only children of his native South Africa, but children around the world.

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children." Nelson Mandela

In order to measure the emotional, physical and spiritual health of a society, we need to look no further than the neediest, most vulnerable members of any society -- our children.

In the United States - are we nurturing, protecting, and providing for our children as well as we can? Do we value our children? Are we spending enough money, time and effort on securing our children's future?

In 2014 I am committed to spending my personal money, time and effort on not only my own four children, but on many children that I will never meet. Through organizations like The CALL and Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO), I am joining in the work of empowering Christians to care for the most vulnerable of the vulnerable -- orphaned children.

I am also committed to engaging a national powerhouse - the African American church - for the cause of at-risk children. At the end of 2013 I was invited to lead a movement that will engage the African American faith community for the cause of the orphan, encouraging African American Christians to adopt and foster children throughout the US. 

Through the African American Church Initiative, a ministry of CAFO, an amazing, diverse group of believers is committed to invest much in the lives of "the least of these."

Because we still believe in the Vacation Bible School song we sang many years ago:

Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world.

Red and yellow, black and white

They are precious in His sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world.

In 2014, what will you do to care for children? What will you invest? Will you commit to pray for CAFO and the African American Church Initiative? 

Let's commit to serve the least of these - or most valuable of these - in 2014.

Making a Difference: Orphan Sunday

Poverty. Crime. Homelessness. Substance abuse. Human trafficking...

The challenges facing our world can seem daunting - insurmountable even. Maybe, like me, you've wanted to do something -- anything -- to make the world a better place. Maybe, like me, you've witnessed the social ills around you and thought, "It's just too much. I'm only one person. How can I really make a difference in this crazy world?"

Maybe you concluded there wasn't anything much you could do to put a mere dent in the world's problems. So you did nothing.

Or maybe you chose to commit to one cause. You've dedicated your heart, your time and your talent to combat poverty or homelessness or human trafficking.

Or maybe, like me, you've discovered a collective way to impact the world for good -- for God. Maybe you've decided to pour your life into aiding the most vulnerable amongst us. The ones who suffer most under the chains of poverty, crime, homelessness, substance abuse and human trafficking.

Perhaps, like me, you've committed your heart, your time and your talents to serve the ORPHAN.

In serving the orphan, we have the opportunity to serve "the least of these."

The ones in need of an advocate. The ones in need of protection. The ones in need of financial security.

The ones in need of a family.

While serving the orphan, we must tell others about this amazing opportunity. We must spread the word, shout out loud for these precious souls that God adores.

On Orphan Sunday, we have that opportunity.

On Orphan Sunday, we can -- we must -- share with others God's call to the Christian to care for orphans.

On Orphan Sunday, we can tell others of the millions of children in the world without parents and a permanent place to belong.

On Orphan Sunday, we can share how AIDS, war and famine have stripped these defenseless children of their parents.

On Orphan Sunday, we can share with fellow believers that 400,000 children in the US are displaced, living in foster care... that many states rely on shelters and group homes because there aren't enough foster parents to go around... that 100,000 US children are available for adoption and waiting for a forever family.

Many of them will wait forever for that family.

On November 3, 2013 we can speak for those whose voices cannot be heard.

On Orphan Sunday we will "defend the cause of the fatherless." Isaiah 1:17

On Orphan Sunday we can join Christian Alliance for Orphans and churches around the world and stand for the orphan.

One day. One voice. One purpose.

One goal: to make a real difference in this crazy world.

Will you join the cause?

Orphan Sunday. November 3, 2013.

One day. One voice. One purpose.

Left Behind: African American Children and Foster Care

Are African American children getting left behind when it comes to foster care and adoption?

Is the African American church staying behind when it comes to foster care and adoption?

You decide...

I recently joined an initiative of the Christian Alliance for Orphans aimed at encouraging African American Christians to join the orphan care movement.

We've just begun to connect hearts and minds for this purpose, but I believe God is already moving among us.

One blessing I've recently received from this group is a list of statistics entitled "Foster Care and the African American Community," compiled by Darrell "D.J." Jordan, Jr. This document contains some dismal stats, a few of which I'll pass on.

• Although African American children represent 14% of the general U.S. children population, they make up 27% of the foster care population.

• Many states have an alarmingly disproportionate ratio of African American children in the foster care system versus the percentage of African American children in the state's population. For example: in Maryland, 65% of foster children are African American while only 32% of all children are African American. In Illinois, 55% of foster children are African American while only 16% of all children are African American. Many other states* have disproportionate numbers as well.

• African American children have lower rates of adoption from the foster care system than those of other races and ethnicities.

• A higher rate of poverty is among several factors contributing to the higher proportion of African American children entering and remaining in foster care.

• Children of color enter foster care at a higher rate, stay longer and leave at a slower rate than white children.

• Children of color are also far less likely to be reunified with their families.

The bottom line? The foster care system has far too many African American children that remain in the system far too long. Too few African American children get adopted out of the system and too few are reunited with their families.

Too many African American children are STUCK in the US foster care system.

So what are WE going to do about it? 

I'm going to pray and fight for these children. 

We can't afford to leave these children behind any longer.

Carla

* Delaware, Mississippi, New York, New Jersey, Georgia, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Michigan, Alabama, North Carolina, Virginia, Wisconsin, Florida, Ohio and the District of Columbia all have disproportionate ratios of African American children in foster care.

Christian Alliance for Orphans' Summit 9: My Biggest Takeaway

Last week I attended Christian Alliance for Orphans' (CAFO) 9th Annual Summit.

It was an amazing time.

I'd be writing ALL DAY if I wrote every single take-away I received.

There were adoptive parents and singer-songwriters Steven Curtis Chapman and Nicole C. Mullen that moved the audience with their words as much as their songs.

Then there were the keynote speakers...

Senator Michele Bachmann shared her heart as the mother of 5 biological children and 23 foster children over the years.

Stephen Ucembe told the heartbreaking story of life in a Kenyan orphanage where he received food and clothing, but no hugs, no smiles, no love.

Bishop W.C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas (yes - "Possum Trot, Texas") shared the story of a teeny tiny church in a teeny tiny town that's done HUGE things for Jesus. A pastor and adoptive father, he leads a small church that has adopted 76 children out of Texas' state foster care system. 76 children! Speaking of his small congregation, he said, "We don't have Ph.D.'s and secretaries and people sitting at computers all day, but we have true love. We are doers of the Word."

David Platt reminded us that our heart for orphans simply mirrors the heart of God for His children. He instructed us to think rightly about our call to care for orphans, saying "We are not rescuers. We are the rescued. That's why we care for orphans."

And the list goes on and on...

However, the most compelling session for me was Dr. Karyn Purvis' 4-hour intensive pre-conference workshop.

Dr. Purvis, director of Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, has done years of research on adoption and attachment. Her workshop revealed the effects of a child's unhealthy attachment to his or her parents and the beautiful results of an "emotionally available" parent of a child with a traumatic past.

Dr. Purvis' workshop sent me through a rollercoaster of emotions. I laughed. I cried. But mostly I felt understanding, awareness and grace as I reminisced on how often I've gotten it wrong with my own children.

Some memorable quotes:

"You can give them food, clothes and shoes, but only healthy relationships can heal the pain of a high-risk child." Relief organizations are wonderful and necessary, but children in crisis really need a loving mom and dad.

"Our eyes are a mirror to our child." When I look at my child with eyes of love and acceptance -- even when correcting him or her -- they feel loved and accepted.

"Are you parenting your child out of your wounding, your healing or your journey to healing?" If I don't do the work of sorting through my past and present emotional pain, I can't possibly help my child work through his or hers.

And this is just a small sampling from Dr. Purvis and her book, The Connected Child. 

I am already changed. I am conscious of my tone of voice and facial expressions when I talk with my children, especially Christian, adopted out of a Russian orphanage at age 2. I am generous with words of praise and with touch.

And I've noticed already - my sweet son is a little happier, a little less grumpy and slower to blow up in anger over small things.

To God be the glory.

And thanks to CAFO for Summit 9!

Love,

Carla