Powerful Words from CAFO2014

Last week I attended CAFO2014 - the 10th annual conference of the Christian Alliance for Orphans. This conference represents a movement of adoption/foster care/orphan care advocates from around the country and world. I could post all week about it, but instead I'll confine my "aha moments" to this one post by sharing notable quotes.

I was invited to open CAFO2014 up in prayer on Friday!

"We must yearn for restoration, not only for the child, but for the entire family." Jedd Medefind, CAFO President

An undercurrent throughout CAFO2014 was the movement towards family preservation and what I like to call "orphan prevention". The thought behind this: Provide spiritual, emotional, material and financial aid to families in crisis on the front end, hopefully preventing their children from becoming orphans in the first place. If we support families before they reach abject poverty, destructiveness and hopelessness, then maybe we can help keep their children out of the foster care system, group homes and orphanages.

So yes, Jedd, let's pray and fight for the restoration of families here in the U.S. and abroad!


"Urban Orphans" - Tyrone Flowers, President of Higher M-Pact in Kansas City, Missouri. 

This is less a quote and more a new vocabulary term for me. Tyrone Flowers shared a powerful testimony of his youth spent in multiple foster homes, detention centers, reform schools and hospitals, recovering from gun wounds that left him paralyzed. 

His triumphant story of giving His life to Christ, attending college and law school, then starting a non-profit to reach out to youths struggling as he did, reminded me to remember the orphans in my own community. These "urban orphans" may not be legal orphans, but as Tyrone said, we have to get busy "supporting the kids that aren't legal orphans, but have no strong parental guidance." After all, their futures can be as dismal as the child with no parents.


"Before our children got hurt, our Heavenly Father created the balm. I'm glad we serve a God who is Jehovah Rapha, God, our Healer." Dr. Karyn Purvis, Director of the Institute of Development at Texas Christian University

Can I just say - Dr. Purvis is absolutely my She-ro. Love. This. Woman. She has a fierce love and passion for "children from hard places", and I have two of those children in my own family who came to us through adoption. Needless to say, this conference isn't complete until I've gotten a word from Dr. Purvis. 

And she did not disappoint. She reminded me as an adoptive Momma that God is my children's heavenly Father and that He will ultimately heal any wounds that their separation from their birth families and, subsequently, their feelings of abandonment may create in them. Thank you, Dr. Purvis.


"Anger is the main tool of Satan to steal, kill and destroy anything good in us and our relationships." Dr. Gary Smalley, family counselor, author and speaker

What a treat to hear from Gary Smalley on the topic "The Single Most Important Ingredient to Effective Ministry: A Vibrant Marriage." As a pastor's wife I am brutally aware of the enemy's attack on the marriages of us soldiers on the front lines of ministry. It was refreshing to be reminded that my husband and I are in a war, but we are not alone in that war.


"Shame tells us 'you're not enough, the world is not enough, God is not enough.'" Dr. Curt Thompson, psychiatrist, author, founder of "Being Known"

This workshop was a game-changer for me. When I saw the title "Shame: Healing the Story of Our Lives", I knew I had to put my rump in a seat in this session. I will blog more extensively about this workshop later in my other blog site Deep Waters, but I had to share this quote. Shame has done more to destroy our joy, our relationships and our purposes in Christ than maybe anything else. Shame is at the root of sin. And it's destructiveness wreaks havoc on us and our families. 

But more on that in a future blog...

I could go on and on all day sharing amazing quotes from the amazing people of God who spoke at CAFO2014, but these five rose to the top for me. They blessed my soul and, hopefully, have blessed yours as well - maybe enough for you to plan for CAFO2015...

For Him,

Carla

Christian Alliance for Orphans' Summit 9: My Biggest Takeaway

Last week I attended Christian Alliance for Orphans' (CAFO) 9th Annual Summit.

It was an amazing time.

I'd be writing ALL DAY if I wrote every single take-away I received.

There were adoptive parents and singer-songwriters Steven Curtis Chapman and Nicole C. Mullen that moved the audience with their words as much as their songs.

Then there were the keynote speakers...

Senator Michele Bachmann shared her heart as the mother of 5 biological children and 23 foster children over the years.

Stephen Ucembe told the heartbreaking story of life in a Kenyan orphanage where he received food and clothing, but no hugs, no smiles, no love.

Bishop W.C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas (yes - "Possum Trot, Texas") shared the story of a teeny tiny church in a teeny tiny town that's done HUGE things for Jesus. A pastor and adoptive father, he leads a small church that has adopted 76 children out of Texas' state foster care system. 76 children! Speaking of his small congregation, he said, "We don't have Ph.D.'s and secretaries and people sitting at computers all day, but we have true love. We are doers of the Word."

David Platt reminded us that our heart for orphans simply mirrors the heart of God for His children. He instructed us to think rightly about our call to care for orphans, saying "We are not rescuers. We are the rescued. That's why we care for orphans."

And the list goes on and on...

However, the most compelling session for me was Dr. Karyn Purvis' 4-hour intensive pre-conference workshop.

Dr. Purvis, director of Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, has done years of research on adoption and attachment. Her workshop revealed the effects of a child's unhealthy attachment to his or her parents and the beautiful results of an "emotionally available" parent of a child with a traumatic past.

Dr. Purvis' workshop sent me through a rollercoaster of emotions. I laughed. I cried. But mostly I felt understanding, awareness and grace as I reminisced on how often I've gotten it wrong with my own children.

Some memorable quotes:

"You can give them food, clothes and shoes, but only healthy relationships can heal the pain of a high-risk child." Relief organizations are wonderful and necessary, but children in crisis really need a loving mom and dad.

"Our eyes are a mirror to our child." When I look at my child with eyes of love and acceptance -- even when correcting him or her -- they feel loved and accepted.

"Are you parenting your child out of your wounding, your healing or your journey to healing?" If I don't do the work of sorting through my past and present emotional pain, I can't possibly help my child work through his or hers.

And this is just a small sampling from Dr. Purvis and her book, The Connected Child. 

I am already changed. I am conscious of my tone of voice and facial expressions when I talk with my children, especially Christian, adopted out of a Russian orphanage at age 2. I am generous with words of praise and with touch.

And I've noticed already - my sweet son is a little happier, a little less grumpy and slower to blow up in anger over small things.

To God be the glory.

And thanks to CAFO for Summit 9!

Love,

Carla

Less Like Toni Morrison, More Like Jesus

On Tuesday I finally -- after resisting for months -- began this new blog. Creating Caring For Orphans felt exciting, exhilarating, empowering.

And then Wednesday rolled around, and I felt unmotivated, uninspired, and unmoved. I thought, "Okay, what now?" I had no idea what to write next.

Me, the adoption guru. The adoption zealot. The adoption know-it-all.

I, for once in my life, was at a loss for words.

And yet, I don't think my writer's block came from a lack of something to say. I think I was overwhelmed with SO MUCH that could be said. The areas of adoption, foster care and orphan care ministry are so vast -- where do I begin?

Where do we go from here?

Well, over the next weeks and months, I'll be sharing whatever is on my heart at that particular time. Sometimes I'll share personal thoughts surrounding adoption. Other times I'll give practical advice for adoptive parents or for those contemplating adoption. Many times I'll link adoption to something going on in the culture, because you know, adoption is ALL around us.

But today, if you'd allow me to get a little personal, I'd like to share about my mission and calling.

You see, not long ago, my heart was filled with a completely different set of goals and desires. I wanted to be Toni Morrison. Well, not Toni Morrison exactly, but I wanted to be an acclaimed writer like her. I wanted to write amazing, captivating fiction like Toni writes. I wanted to change the world, one word at a time.

Then I realized God had a different plan.

Oh, I still felt called to write. I still hoped to even publish a book one day. But I'd experienced a complete paradigm shift.

I felt a pull to use my writing -- and now speaking -- to share about what I'm most passionate about. I felt called to share about the need for Christians to open their hearts and homes to children that need a mommy and a daddy. I felt called to encourage Christians to open their wallets and Coach bags to assist adoptions and fund nonprofits dedicated to orphan care.

And since I accepted that calling, God has opened up a whole new world.

I'm still not sure where He's taking me, but I'm looking forward to a crazy ride.

The moral of this story: we must ALL consider laying down our desires in order to pursue God's desires. Even better than that -- the believer's heart desires should be so intertwined with God's that we can hardly tell where His end and ours begin.

That's my desire.

So my writings might not ever resemble Toni Morrison's, but hopefully my life resembles my Savior's.

What about yours?

Living for Him,

Carla


Your Turn:

Have you ever had to lay down your heart's desires and dreams to pursue God and His calling for your life? Tell me about it here!