The Church's Role in Orphan Care: A word from Jason Johnson

If you know me at all, you know I love a great quote.

So when I decided to share some points made by Jason Johnson of Arrow Child & Family Foundation at this past weekend's The CALL Summit VI, I figured I'd share some great quotes from his talk. 

But first, let me introduce you to Jason. Jason Johnson is a writer, speaker and leader in the movement of Church-led, Church-based orphan care ministry. Jason's many roles can be summarized this way -- to equip, train and mobilize church leaders and pastors to live out their calling to "care for orphans", as mandated in James 1:27.

So for my first "J.J." quote...

I. "[Adoption/foster care] is a church issue that has been outsourced to the government."

Jason's main purpose on Saturday was to remind us Christians that God gave the Church the mission of caring for orphans, not the government. We have relied on local and federal government far too long to care for the vulnerable children among us. It is our calling. It is our rightful role. 

We need to stop pointing our finger at the "broken foster care system" and do something about it.


II. "Our goal in this room should not be to recruit more families faster, but to empower and equip better families, longer."

The CALL is a 501c3 that mobilizes the Church in Arkansas to care for orphans by recruiting, training and supporting foster and adoptive parents from local churches. This is an amazing mission, and we are working hard to reach our goal of no children waiting for foster or adoptive families. 

However, it is easy to strive for numbers and statistics, and forget that the mission is changed lives. We advocates for vulnerable children must remember that our goal must be finding the right family for each child, not checking a child's name off a list once they've been placed with a family. 

We must work for stability in the life of a child, not for impressive statistics.


III. "The objective of foster care is not to get a child for my family, but to GIVE MY FAMILY for a child."

Do you hear the contrast in that statement? Oftentimes prospective adoptive parents pursue adoption (or foster care) with the mindset of really wanting a child to "complete" our families. Ouch... I've been there. We really want a boy. Or a girl. Or a cute little African American baby. So we adopt or foster. We figure it's a win-win. We get a sweet child to add to our family. The child gets a new family and home.

But this is the wrong perspective. It's not wrong to desire a child, but wanting a child is not equivalent to the calling to adopt or foster. And if we proceed into those waters with that mindset, we will soon discover our motives were self-centered and off-base. Our motive to adopt and foster should be first and foremost about the needs of a child, not our own desires.


IV. "We need to have a vision of restoration of an entire family, working as hard as we can to prevent children from coming into foster care in the first place."

Our goal in foster care should not only be to restore a child, but to restore that child's entire family. How does this look? It looks like mentorship, not only for children and teens, but also for troubled and/or single parents. It also means supporting vulnerable families. 

Sometimes reunification with a birth family is detrimental and even impossible. However, oftentimes a family can be restored through a healthy, consistent dose of support, encouragement, re-training and prayer.

And where should these families go to receive this support, encouragement, re-training and prayer? 

Not their local DHS office. 

They should receive it from the Church.

So let's get busy, y'all.

Powerful Words from CAFO2014

Last week I attended CAFO2014 - the 10th annual conference of the Christian Alliance for Orphans. This conference represents a movement of adoption/foster care/orphan care advocates from around the country and world. I could post all week about it, but instead I'll confine my "aha moments" to this one post by sharing notable quotes.

I was invited to open CAFO2014 up in prayer on Friday!

"We must yearn for restoration, not only for the child, but for the entire family." Jedd Medefind, CAFO President

An undercurrent throughout CAFO2014 was the movement towards family preservation and what I like to call "orphan prevention". The thought behind this: Provide spiritual, emotional, material and financial aid to families in crisis on the front end, hopefully preventing their children from becoming orphans in the first place. If we support families before they reach abject poverty, destructiveness and hopelessness, then maybe we can help keep their children out of the foster care system, group homes and orphanages.

So yes, Jedd, let's pray and fight for the restoration of families here in the U.S. and abroad!


"Urban Orphans" - Tyrone Flowers, President of Higher M-Pact in Kansas City, Missouri. 

This is less a quote and more a new vocabulary term for me. Tyrone Flowers shared a powerful testimony of his youth spent in multiple foster homes, detention centers, reform schools and hospitals, recovering from gun wounds that left him paralyzed. 

His triumphant story of giving His life to Christ, attending college and law school, then starting a non-profit to reach out to youths struggling as he did, reminded me to remember the orphans in my own community. These "urban orphans" may not be legal orphans, but as Tyrone said, we have to get busy "supporting the kids that aren't legal orphans, but have no strong parental guidance." After all, their futures can be as dismal as the child with no parents.


"Before our children got hurt, our Heavenly Father created the balm. I'm glad we serve a God who is Jehovah Rapha, God, our Healer." Dr. Karyn Purvis, Director of the Institute of Development at Texas Christian University

Can I just say - Dr. Purvis is absolutely my She-ro. Love. This. Woman. She has a fierce love and passion for "children from hard places", and I have two of those children in my own family who came to us through adoption. Needless to say, this conference isn't complete until I've gotten a word from Dr. Purvis. 

And she did not disappoint. She reminded me as an adoptive Momma that God is my children's heavenly Father and that He will ultimately heal any wounds that their separation from their birth families and, subsequently, their feelings of abandonment may create in them. Thank you, Dr. Purvis.


"Anger is the main tool of Satan to steal, kill and destroy anything good in us and our relationships." Dr. Gary Smalley, family counselor, author and speaker

What a treat to hear from Gary Smalley on the topic "The Single Most Important Ingredient to Effective Ministry: A Vibrant Marriage." As a pastor's wife I am brutally aware of the enemy's attack on the marriages of us soldiers on the front lines of ministry. It was refreshing to be reminded that my husband and I are in a war, but we are not alone in that war.


"Shame tells us 'you're not enough, the world is not enough, God is not enough.'" Dr. Curt Thompson, psychiatrist, author, founder of "Being Known"

This workshop was a game-changer for me. When I saw the title "Shame: Healing the Story of Our Lives", I knew I had to put my rump in a seat in this session. I will blog more extensively about this workshop later in my other blog site Deep Waters, but I had to share this quote. Shame has done more to destroy our joy, our relationships and our purposes in Christ than maybe anything else. Shame is at the root of sin. And it's destructiveness wreaks havoc on us and our families. 

But more on that in a future blog...

I could go on and on all day sharing amazing quotes from the amazing people of God who spoke at CAFO2014, but these five rose to the top for me. They blessed my soul and, hopefully, have blessed yours as well - maybe enough for you to plan for CAFO2015...

For Him,

Carla

Fostering Love Across the Racial Divide

This past week, I spent a week in my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland, visiting family and long-time friends. It was a much-needed reprieve from the daily grind of my life in Arkansas. Just what the doctor ordered, as they say.

One highlight of my time there was an opportunity I had to babysit my "niece" Brittney. Brittney is the spunky, always-smiling 3-year-old girl that my sister Lori has fostered for two years now. She's the kind of child that gets noticed wherever she goes. My sister goes through her days constantly hearing refrains of "She is so friendly!" "Isn't she adorable?" "Is she always this bubbly?"

To which my sister answers, "Yes, she is."

Brittney has been a giggly, joyful addition to my family. And I don't know when we stopped remembering that she's of a different ethnicity. 

Brittney and Me*

Britt Britt, as we call her, is of Asian descent. But she fits in with our African American family as if she were born into it. Mind you, we're not oblivious of the questions and curiosity she'll face if she becomes a permanent member of our family through adoption. We're aware that her differences will add challenges to her life.

My sister has been proactive with Britt, and recently bought her a Mulan** doll. It shocked her to hear Brittney survey the doll, then respond, "Mommy, why do her eyes look funny?"

She's too young to know her eyes look a lot like Mulan's.

So we're not naive to think that raising a child from another race won't have its difficulties. We're not foolish enough to believe that "love will conquer all". 

But we are crazy enough to love this little girl to pieces, and to wish her the best life that God has in store for her -- despite her difficult beginnings and broken first family.

My 6-year-old daughter Jada -- who adores her cousin Brittney, by the way -- came to me recently about something she'd noticed about Brittney. Our conversation went like this:

Jada: "Mommy, Brittney looks different from everyone else in our family."

Me: "You think so? How does she look different?"

Jada: "Well, she has really fat cheeks, Mommy."

My response? I burst out in laughter, thankful for the innocence of a child's heart. 

Thankful that my children love this precious little girl in our family. 

Thankful that nothing can impede the love that God puts in our hearts for another.

* Since Brittney is still in foster care, I want to protect her identity. Funny note: I didn't think I'd ever use this crazy picture she insisted we take of her bumble bee toy!

** Mulan is the main character of Disney's 1998 animated movie "Mulan". I happen to LOVE this film for young girls, by the way.

We're No Superheroes: Hope for Adoptive & Foster Parents

When my husband and I adopted our son Christian ten years ago, we did so with fervor, conviction and assurance of God's calling for us. We expected things to be a little hard at first, but expected the hard days to subside after a few months.

Within a year or two, we figured our son would nestle right into our family. We believed our family would soon become "normal".

Wow, were we in for a shock.

Life with a child adopted from a Russian orphanage at the age of 2 1/2 has been anything but "normal". It wasn't long before we realized if we were going to survive -- and thrive -- as a family, we'd have to embrace a "new normal".

It puts me in mind of the words of Violet, the teenage daughter in Disney Pixar's The Incredibles...

"Normal? What do you know about normal? What does anyone in this family know about normal!"

Violet's words have been spoken by adoptive and foster parents everywhere. Or, at the very least, we've thought them.

If we are to ever find peace, we must give up the dream of being normal. We have to embrace a new normal.

With that thought in mind, imagine my joy this past weekend at The Hope Conference, when speaker and adoptive father Michael Monroe spoke these words:

"God has not called us to be a normal family. We have to embrace the different kind of normal that God has called us to."

The Hope Conference, a ministry of support for foster and adoptive parents, was invaluable. Last weekend in Little Rock, Michael and Amy Monroe shared countless words of wisdom, encouragement and hope. I'll share a few more here.

"Our children came from hard places. We describe them by where they came from, not who they are."

I love this phrase -- "hard places". I've used it several times since last weekend. Saying our children come from hard places doesn't place a value on our children and their issues. It clearly communicates the circumstances of their pre-adoption (or foster care) lives without placing a label on them.

For children who often struggle with feeling labeled and weird, this couldn't be more vital.

"There is no adoption or foster care without loss."

If there is a constant in adoption and foster care, it is that our children have experienced loss. Even my baby girl Joelle, adopted at 5 months old, has experienced great loss. She has lost her relationship with her biological mother, the woman whose voice she heard daily while in utero. She has lost her biological family and everyone that includes. She has also lost her interim care mom, who adored her. Even adopted as an infant, Joelle has lost much.

"Cortisol* levels of newborns correlate with their birth mothers'. The impact of stress to the unborn child is huge."

Even in the womb, our children experience stress and trauma. If a mother experiences stress due to impoverishment, an unplanned pregnancy or a strained relationship with the child's father, her unborn child feels stress too.

There is no adoption without trauma.

And yet, there is hope.

"Nurture can change nature."

When we pour emotional fuel into our children, nurturing their souls, they will begin to experience healing. When we spend time with them, talk with them, get into their world, that investment goes a long way. When we discipline them with love and creativity**, we empower and affirm our children.

And God can use us to bring healing to their wounded souls.

One of my favorite adoption specialists is Dr. Karyn Purvis, Director of the Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development. The Monroes work closely with Dr. Purvis and often share her amazing words of wisdom.

I'll share just a few...

"Our kids were harmed in relationship... And by God's design, they will heal in relationship." Dr. Purvis

Our children were deeply hurt by any number of sources -- birthparents, the foster care system, abandonment, abuse, etc.

And yet, God will use us -- their parents -- as a conduit of healing.

Adoptive and foster parents, let's be a healing source for our babies. 

We're no superheroes, but God knows, they need us.




* Cortisol is a hormone, released in response to stress.

** One method of creative discipline taught by the Monroes is "time in" instead of "time out". Instead of placing a child in his or her room separated from the family, you can discipline the child with an extra chore that you do alongside him or her, or at least remain in the room and observe.

Nelson Mandela - A Love for Children

Nelson Mandela... Few names evoke the reverence and respect of this great leader of our time.

I have reflected much on our "Madiba" and even blogged about him after his recent passing.

However, I wanted to share a few more of his words here at "Caring for Orphans." These words express Madiba's love for children -- not only children of his native South Africa, but children around the world.

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children." Nelson Mandela

In order to measure the emotional, physical and spiritual health of a society, we need to look no further than the neediest, most vulnerable members of any society -- our children.

In the United States - are we nurturing, protecting, and providing for our children as well as we can? Do we value our children? Are we spending enough money, time and effort on securing our children's future?

In 2014 I am committed to spending my personal money, time and effort on not only my own four children, but on many children that I will never meet. Through organizations like The CALL and Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO), I am joining in the work of empowering Christians to care for the most vulnerable of the vulnerable -- orphaned children.

I am also committed to engaging a national powerhouse - the African American church - for the cause of at-risk children. At the end of 2013 I was invited to lead a movement that will engage the African American faith community for the cause of the orphan, encouraging African American Christians to adopt and foster children throughout the US. 

Through the African American Church Initiative, a ministry of CAFO, an amazing, diverse group of believers is committed to invest much in the lives of "the least of these."

Because we still believe in the Vacation Bible School song we sang many years ago:

Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world.

Red and yellow, black and white

They are precious in His sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world.

In 2014, what will you do to care for children? What will you invest? Will you commit to pray for CAFO and the African American Church Initiative? 

Let's commit to serve the least of these - or most valuable of these - in 2014.

So Many Davions: A Foster Child's Plea to the Church

Many of you have already read this story.

Some of you could almost feel your heart ripping out when you read it.

But in case you missed it...

It was an ordinary Sunday morning at St. Mark Missionary Baptist Church in St. Petersburg, Florida when 15-year-old Davion Only entered with his caseworker, Connie Going, by his side. This particular morning, he wasn't in church to merely sing hymns, pray, and listen to a good sermon.

Davion had a higher purpose on his heart and mind.

Armed with that purpose, he courageously addressed the congregation. Though fearful, he publicly asked for someone -- anyone -- to consider adopting him.* He asked for a family -- a family that could "reach out and get me and love me until I die."

And he's not picky. "I'll take anyone," he said. "Old or young, dad or mom, black, white, purple. I don't care. And I would be really appreciative. The best I could be."

Some might consider these tactics desperate. I say this young man has vision, and he knows the prognosis of his life is grim. Born to a mother while she was in jail, he's lost count of the many places he's lived. He currently lives in a group home, with 12 other troubled teenage boys.

Four months ago, his dismal situation got even worse. Sitting at a library computer with his birth certificate in hand, he searched for his mother's name for the first time. He found her mug shot online, noted her resemblance and read her rap sheet -- petty theft, cocaine.

Then he saw her obituary. His mother had died just a few weeks before. No chance of reunification now.

So yes, Davion's plea at St. Mark was a desperate one. He knows that with every passing year, month, week, day, and even minute, his chances of finding a forever family decreases. And he knows that if he ages out, his chances of a successful life are minimal.

A few statistics** for the 27,000 young people who age out of U.S. foster care each year:

• 40% become homeless or "couch surf" from home to home
• Nearly 60% of young men who age out have been convicted of a crime
• 52% of aged out males are unemployed
• 75% of young women who age out receive government benefits to meet basic needs
• 50% of all youth who aged out were involved in substance use

Not a pretty picture, is it?

It's the same picture that Davion, and so many "Davions" see when they dream of their futures. Especially African American foster children. Their dreams don't include a cap and gown, a wedding dress or carrying a briefcase to work one day.

But some of them still dream of one thing.

A family.

When Davion shared this dream at St. Mark, he said, "My name is Davion and I've been in foster care since I was born... I know God hasn't given up on me. So I'm not giving up either."

I pray we won't give up on the Davions of our communities, either.

* Since giving his plea at St. Mark Missionary Baptist, several people have inquired about adopting Davion. Let's pray that one of those inquiries will provide him with a loving, godly family.

** Statistics on aging out foster youth are from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

Daring to Dream: 4Kids of South Florida

By Carla Adair Hendricks

Last week, I had the awesome opportunity to join an amazing group of foster care advocates on a trip to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.

I know what you're thinking... And yes, we did see the beach. Yet our mission was greater than any beach trip.

Our mission was to observe and learn from the awesome folks of 4Kids of South Florida, folks that have committed to provide "A Home for Every Child in Crisis."

Our mission is nearly the same. We've named ourselves the "No More Waiting" Team, with a commitment to finding the right family for every waiting child in Arkansas foster care.

Last week's trip was exhilarating, emotional and exhausting.

And I can't wait to see all God's going to do.

But I'll get to that later. For now, I'll recap all He already did.

First of all, God helped us celebrate all He's already done in Arkansas.

Our group represented three organizations* dedicated to foster children in Arkansas. I'll give a nutshell on each.

The CALL's (Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime) mission is to educate, equip and encourage the Christian community to provide a future and a hope for children in foster care.

We do this by recruiting foster parents from local churches, then providing the DCFS-required training for these prospective foster parents. The CALL serves as a bridge between our state agency and local churches. We currently serve in a third of the counties in Arkansas, and have had incredible impact.

I serve the Statewide Board, and I had the privilege of sharing the Florida trip with both the Executive Director Lauri Currier and Co-founder of The CALL, Mary Carol Pederson.

Immerse Arkansas focuses on youth that have aged-out of foster care. Without hope and practical help, these young people face a dismal future. In fact, statistics reveal that 40% of youth that age-out of the foster care system will experience homelessness by the age of 24. Immerse Arkansas exists to give these young people support, guidance and stability as they transition to adulthood.

We were blessed to have the Director and Founder of Immerse Arkansas Eric Gilmore not only on our trip, but leading and coordinating it.

Project Zero exists to help find forever families for children that are available for adoption through the state foster care system. The Project Zero team also seeks to raise awareness surrounding the more than 100,000 children in U.S foster care waiting for a permanent and loving family.

Project Zero's Co-directors Christie Erwin and Caryl Watson were an amazing and energetic addition to our team.

Together these ministries are committed to at-risk children in out state. We are dedicated to "No More Waiting!"

Secondly, God helped us dream of what could be in our state.

And this, my friends, is where 4Kids of South Florida comes in.

Last week, we spent an entire day with various staff members of 4Kids. And if those folks don't fire you up for kids in foster care, you better check your pulse.

4Kids President Doug Sauder began and ended our time with a history of 4Kids, which was originally a merger of 3 separate organizations. He gave a nutshell of how they worked through growing pains and did the hard work of becoming a mature and highly-effective organization.

Thom Lukasik, Vice President of Community Engagement, spent almost the entire day with us -- and I think we considered kidnapping him and bringing him back to Arkansas with us. (Can you kidnap a grown man?)

Thom shared his ministry's vision with us, showed us the most moving video about foster children I've ever seem and answered the two million questions we had. He also took us on a tour of 4Kids' group homes and a special place I'll never forget -- SafePlace.

SafePlace is a temporary shelter for children placed in foster care. Envision this: instead of a child sitting in a state agency office, waiting for an open home to welcome him or her, SafePlace offers a warm, engaging environment for the child to stay, while waiting for that home.

When we first entered SafePlace, I think we'd all braced ourselves for a place full of weepy, forlorn and hopeless children. Actually, what we discovered was a place full of giggling, energetic, happy children! We were amazed and I even wondered, "Do these children know they were just removed from their homes? Separated from their families?"

It was amazing.

And I have to mention the beautiful little three-month old baby in a crib. And the volunteer -- yes, I said volunteer -- that told me she loved working in SafePlace so much that she asked if she could work extra hours until she finds full-time employment. A volunteer that's begging to double her hours. Now, that speaks volumes.

SafePlace is a dream I hope to see realized in Arkansas. Maybe I'll be able to share that here someday.

But for now, I'll leave you with a word from Doug Sauder that resonated with us all...

"The dream is free, but the journey isn't."

Ain't that the truth...

It costs nothing to dream of a home for every child in the US foster care system. It doesn't cost anything to dream of a day when we'll no longer need foster care shelters and group homes. Or a day when every sibling group can go to the same home -- together. 

But the journey to those dreams isn't free. These dreams will cost much: work, time, money, and more work, time and money.

But we must keep dreaming. And we must continue the journey.

* Our team also included Pastor Anthony Hendricks of Mosaic Church of Central Arkansas (and my hubby), Jeff Spry of City Connections, Mark and Jennifer Cherry of Summit Church, Diane Heffington of Immerse Arkansas and David Watson of Project Zero

Making a Difference: Orphan Sunday

Poverty. Crime. Homelessness. Substance abuse. Human trafficking...

The challenges facing our world can seem daunting - insurmountable even. Maybe, like me, you've wanted to do something -- anything -- to make the world a better place. Maybe, like me, you've witnessed the social ills around you and thought, "It's just too much. I'm only one person. How can I really make a difference in this crazy world?"

Maybe you concluded there wasn't anything much you could do to put a mere dent in the world's problems. So you did nothing.

Or maybe you chose to commit to one cause. You've dedicated your heart, your time and your talent to combat poverty or homelessness or human trafficking.

Or maybe, like me, you've discovered a collective way to impact the world for good -- for God. Maybe you've decided to pour your life into aiding the most vulnerable amongst us. The ones who suffer most under the chains of poverty, crime, homelessness, substance abuse and human trafficking.

Perhaps, like me, you've committed your heart, your time and your talents to serve the ORPHAN.

In serving the orphan, we have the opportunity to serve "the least of these."

The ones in need of an advocate. The ones in need of protection. The ones in need of financial security.

The ones in need of a family.

While serving the orphan, we must tell others about this amazing opportunity. We must spread the word, shout out loud for these precious souls that God adores.

On Orphan Sunday, we have that opportunity.

On Orphan Sunday, we can -- we must -- share with others God's call to the Christian to care for orphans.

On Orphan Sunday, we can tell others of the millions of children in the world without parents and a permanent place to belong.

On Orphan Sunday, we can share how AIDS, war and famine have stripped these defenseless children of their parents.

On Orphan Sunday, we can share with fellow believers that 400,000 children in the US are displaced, living in foster care... that many states rely on shelters and group homes because there aren't enough foster parents to go around... that 100,000 US children are available for adoption and waiting for a forever family.

Many of them will wait forever for that family.

On November 3, 2013 we can speak for those whose voices cannot be heard.

On Orphan Sunday we will "defend the cause of the fatherless." Isaiah 1:17

On Orphan Sunday we can join Christian Alliance for Orphans and churches around the world and stand for the orphan.

One day. One voice. One purpose.

One goal: to make a real difference in this crazy world.

Will you join the cause?

Orphan Sunday. November 3, 2013.

One day. One voice. One purpose.

Left Behind: African American Children and Foster Care

Are African American children getting left behind when it comes to foster care and adoption?

Is the African American church staying behind when it comes to foster care and adoption?

You decide...

I recently joined an initiative of the Christian Alliance for Orphans aimed at encouraging African American Christians to join the orphan care movement.

We've just begun to connect hearts and minds for this purpose, but I believe God is already moving among us.

One blessing I've recently received from this group is a list of statistics entitled "Foster Care and the African American Community," compiled by Darrell "D.J." Jordan, Jr. This document contains some dismal stats, a few of which I'll pass on.

• Although African American children represent 14% of the general U.S. children population, they make up 27% of the foster care population.

• Many states have an alarmingly disproportionate ratio of African American children in the foster care system versus the percentage of African American children in the state's population. For example: in Maryland, 65% of foster children are African American while only 32% of all children are African American. In Illinois, 55% of foster children are African American while only 16% of all children are African American. Many other states* have disproportionate numbers as well.

• African American children have lower rates of adoption from the foster care system than those of other races and ethnicities.

• A higher rate of poverty is among several factors contributing to the higher proportion of African American children entering and remaining in foster care.

• Children of color enter foster care at a higher rate, stay longer and leave at a slower rate than white children.

• Children of color are also far less likely to be reunified with their families.

The bottom line? The foster care system has far too many African American children that remain in the system far too long. Too few African American children get adopted out of the system and too few are reunited with their families.

Too many African American children are STUCK in the US foster care system.

So what are WE going to do about it? 

I'm going to pray and fight for these children. 

We can't afford to leave these children behind any longer.

Carla

* Delaware, Mississippi, New York, New Jersey, Georgia, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Michigan, Alabama, North Carolina, Virginia, Wisconsin, Florida, Ohio and the District of Columbia all have disproportionate ratios of African American children in foster care.

"Yeah, what she said..." Foster Care Advocate Rep. Karen Bass

"The purpose of influence is to speak up for those who have no influence."

I love this quote from Pastor Rick Warren, author of The Purpose-Driven Life. I've repeated these words ever since I heard them spoken during a CNN interview with Piers Morgan.

I've also tried to live them.

In my own small circle of influence, I've committed to speak up for the fatherless -- children without families, without loving parents, without a safe place to lay their heads at night.

What encourages me even more is when I see or hear or read about someone else speaking up for the fatherless too -- especially someone with huge influence.

So I was excited to read an article in the May issue of Essence Magazine entitled "Fostering Hope: A powerful voice in politics works to reform America's foster care system." "Fostering Hope" highlighted California Representative Karen Bass, founder of the newly-created Congressional Caucus on Foster Youth, whose "voice rings loudest for those she says are most silenced."

Rep. Karen Bass

As I read this story, I felt myself thinking, "Yeah, what she said!" 

Rep. Bass is committed to fight for foster care reform and new legislation created to empower U.S. foster children. 

So I'll share a little of what she said here...

According to Rep. Bass, the worst challenge facing today's foster children is instability.

"They know that at any moment a social worker can yank them out of their foster home or school. Foster youth don't get to be normal, outrageous teenagers... Because of this, these youngsters lack secure connections with adults, and without a stable home and parent, other issues arise, usually with their education and health. Some switch schools multiple times, while others run away, become homeless and abuse substances. And a new phenomenon is that older men -- and tragically even some foster boys -- lure foster girls into sex work, mostly starting at age 12."

Runaways, homelessness, substance abuse, sex trafficking... The future is bleak for many foster children.

Yet as much as I love the push to support foster children, recently God's been moving my heart to take a "step backward" in my advocacy for children. While I'm still very passionate about finding homes for children who need either temporary foster families or permanent forever families, I'm also rooting for ministries that support at-risk children before they are removed from their original families. 

I pray that more children can be supported before they become orphans.

I was delighted to discover that Rep. Bass agrees..

"Most states and countries have serious restrictions on federal financing for foster youth. The system normally requires social workers to remove a child from the biological parents before the foster care system can provide that child with money or resources. A better solution would be to use the money to help that child's family and, if possible, not put the child in the system at all."

All I can say is, "Yeah, what she said!"


**Think about it: Who are you using your influence for today? Who are you speaking up for today?

Carla

Great Minds Thinking Alike: Jen Hatmaker

A couple weeks ago, I felt a heavy burden in the area of adoption and orphan care.

My burden resulted in my last post, "Orphan Justice: How Adoption Only Scratches the Surface". This post led to a great conversation with like-minded people on the subject, and also led me to writer/ speaker/pastor's wife Jen Hatmaker's blog series - "Examining Adoption Ethics."

When I read her third installment, I kept thinking, "Yes! Amen! Hallelujah!" Because I didn't realize I'd been echoing her sentiments in my own blog.

I'll pull out a few highlights and notable quotes for you:

"...Let's get our numbers straight... There are an estimated 153 million kids who've lost only one parent, so the term "orphan" is somewhat misleading... Unicef estimates around 2 million children in institutional care..."

My tidbit: Folks we've got to get our numbers right when we cite the number of "orphans" in the world. Although 2 million is a very large number (and UNICEF admits that this number is low due to underreporting in certain countries), it's a lot lower than 153 million!

Another thing I'm learning from my friends and co-laborers in the Arkansas Department of Children and Family Services... The word "orphan" is a misnomer for the 500,000 children in US foster care. These children almost always have a living parent, so they are nobody's orphans. As Christians, we understand the biblical mandate to "Care for Orphans," but we have to know in our hearts that we are oftentimes not dealing with a true "orphan."

"If we are truly concerned about orphan care, international adoption simply cannot be where we concentrate all our efforts. It leaves too many children behind."

My tidbit: I wholeheartedly agree with my Sister. And I'm the mother of a son adopted internationally. We've got to find strategies to encourage Russians to adopt Russian children, Ethiopians to adopt Ethiopian children and South Koreans to adopt South Korean children.

In his book Orphan Justice, Johnny Carr emphatically agrees, and works diligently towards that end. But I blogged about that last time...

My last Hatmaker quote:

"It is unacceptable that poverty makes orphans. That is a gross injustice at the root of these astronomical numbers. If you must relinquish your child because you cannot feed, educate, or care for him, the international community should rise up and wage war against that inequity. Every family deserves basic human rights, and I should not get to raise your child simply because I can feed him and you can't. 

"To that end, what better response than working to preserve (or reunite) first families where poverty or disempowerment is an orphan-maker?"

My tidbit: Amen! Amen! Amen!

For the last six months or so, God's been doing a transformational work on my heart. I am feeling a draw to support efforts that not only serve and benefit children displaced from their birth families, but to support the efforts that take a step backwards in this process.

How amazing would it be to not only care for orphans, but to care for disadvantaged families, with the hope and prayer that maybe their children will never become orphans?

This is no small undertaking. This is no minor calling. And this isn't as cute as adopting that adorable brown-eyed nine-month-old from Ethiopia.

No, this is a calling to get into the dirt and grime of material and spiritual poverty.

This is a calling to go where Jesus went.

It's a calling to go where He already is.

Let's go, Family.


Love,

Carla

Hitting Home: Crisis in US Foster Care

What comes to mind when you hear the word orphan?

You may think of children far away, across the seas.

You may think of the Indian or Russian or Sudanese child that has lost his or her parents to AIDS or extreme poverty or civil war.

Your mind may conjure up images of the children you've seen on world relief organizations' commercials -- distended bellies, bodies like skeletons, flies landing on nearly every body part...

And while that image truly exists in many parts of the world, let's not forget a simple truth: There are orphans right here in America.

The orphan crisis in the US may look a little different from other countries, but it's still a crisis, one I've ranted over before.

Well, since it's May and happens to also be Foster Care Awareness Month, I feel the need to rant a little more. Please bear with me for just a bit...

Today over 500,000 children are in state foster care in the U.S. 

Unfortunately, most states don't have a sufficient number of foster care homes to take in these children.

Many foster children end up in temporary shelters and group homes, when what they really need is a safe short-term family.

Of these 500,000 foster children, over 100,000 are legal orphans, meaning while they may have at least one living parent, their parents' legal parental rights have been terminated in the courts of their respective states.

...Which means - there are over 100,000 children in our country waiting to be adopted.

Few of these children are blonde, blue-eyed infants.

Most of them are over the age of 6.

Some of them are teenagers that have bounced from home to home.

Many of them have special needs and behavioral challenges.

Many of them are African American.

ALL of them need a loving family - TODAY.

There are many wonderful Christian organizations working hard to meet the needs of foster children in their respective states: The CALL, Project Zero, Project 1.27, 4Kids of South Florida, just to name a few.

But they need individual Christians to join in their mission.

What can YOU do? What can I do?

It's a question we must ask ourselves.

It's a question we should seek God about.

Will you?


Carla

Christian Alliance for Orphans' Summit 9: My Biggest Takeaway

Last week I attended Christian Alliance for Orphans' (CAFO) 9th Annual Summit.

It was an amazing time.

I'd be writing ALL DAY if I wrote every single take-away I received.

There were adoptive parents and singer-songwriters Steven Curtis Chapman and Nicole C. Mullen that moved the audience with their words as much as their songs.

Then there were the keynote speakers...

Senator Michele Bachmann shared her heart as the mother of 5 biological children and 23 foster children over the years.

Stephen Ucembe told the heartbreaking story of life in a Kenyan orphanage where he received food and clothing, but no hugs, no smiles, no love.

Bishop W.C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas (yes - "Possum Trot, Texas") shared the story of a teeny tiny church in a teeny tiny town that's done HUGE things for Jesus. A pastor and adoptive father, he leads a small church that has adopted 76 children out of Texas' state foster care system. 76 children! Speaking of his small congregation, he said, "We don't have Ph.D.'s and secretaries and people sitting at computers all day, but we have true love. We are doers of the Word."

David Platt reminded us that our heart for orphans simply mirrors the heart of God for His children. He instructed us to think rightly about our call to care for orphans, saying "We are not rescuers. We are the rescued. That's why we care for orphans."

And the list goes on and on...

However, the most compelling session for me was Dr. Karyn Purvis' 4-hour intensive pre-conference workshop.

Dr. Purvis, director of Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, has done years of research on adoption and attachment. Her workshop revealed the effects of a child's unhealthy attachment to his or her parents and the beautiful results of an "emotionally available" parent of a child with a traumatic past.

Dr. Purvis' workshop sent me through a rollercoaster of emotions. I laughed. I cried. But mostly I felt understanding, awareness and grace as I reminisced on how often I've gotten it wrong with my own children.

Some memorable quotes:

"You can give them food, clothes and shoes, but only healthy relationships can heal the pain of a high-risk child." Relief organizations are wonderful and necessary, but children in crisis really need a loving mom and dad.

"Our eyes are a mirror to our child." When I look at my child with eyes of love and acceptance -- even when correcting him or her -- they feel loved and accepted.

"Are you parenting your child out of your wounding, your healing or your journey to healing?" If I don't do the work of sorting through my past and present emotional pain, I can't possibly help my child work through his or hers.

And this is just a small sampling from Dr. Purvis and her book, The Connected Child. 

I am already changed. I am conscious of my tone of voice and facial expressions when I talk with my children, especially Christian, adopted out of a Russian orphanage at age 2. I am generous with words of praise and with touch.

And I've noticed already - my sweet son is a little happier, a little less grumpy and slower to blow up in anger over small things.

To God be the glory.

And thanks to CAFO for Summit 9!

Love,

Carla

Less Like Toni Morrison, More Like Jesus

On Tuesday I finally -- after resisting for months -- began this new blog. Creating Caring For Orphans felt exciting, exhilarating, empowering.

And then Wednesday rolled around, and I felt unmotivated, uninspired, and unmoved. I thought, "Okay, what now?" I had no idea what to write next.

Me, the adoption guru. The adoption zealot. The adoption know-it-all.

I, for once in my life, was at a loss for words.

And yet, I don't think my writer's block came from a lack of something to say. I think I was overwhelmed with SO MUCH that could be said. The areas of adoption, foster care and orphan care ministry are so vast -- where do I begin?

Where do we go from here?

Well, over the next weeks and months, I'll be sharing whatever is on my heart at that particular time. Sometimes I'll share personal thoughts surrounding adoption. Other times I'll give practical advice for adoptive parents or for those contemplating adoption. Many times I'll link adoption to something going on in the culture, because you know, adoption is ALL around us.

But today, if you'd allow me to get a little personal, I'd like to share about my mission and calling.

You see, not long ago, my heart was filled with a completely different set of goals and desires. I wanted to be Toni Morrison. Well, not Toni Morrison exactly, but I wanted to be an acclaimed writer like her. I wanted to write amazing, captivating fiction like Toni writes. I wanted to change the world, one word at a time.

Then I realized God had a different plan.

Oh, I still felt called to write. I still hoped to even publish a book one day. But I'd experienced a complete paradigm shift.

I felt a pull to use my writing -- and now speaking -- to share about what I'm most passionate about. I felt called to share about the need for Christians to open their hearts and homes to children that need a mommy and a daddy. I felt called to encourage Christians to open their wallets and Coach bags to assist adoptions and fund nonprofits dedicated to orphan care.

And since I accepted that calling, God has opened up a whole new world.

I'm still not sure where He's taking me, but I'm looking forward to a crazy ride.

The moral of this story: we must ALL consider laying down our desires in order to pursue God's desires. Even better than that -- the believer's heart desires should be so intertwined with God's that we can hardly tell where His end and ours begin.

That's my desire.

So my writings might not ever resemble Toni Morrison's, but hopefully my life resembles my Savior's.

What about yours?

Living for Him,

Carla


Your Turn:

Have you ever had to lay down your heart's desires and dreams to pursue God and His calling for your life? Tell me about it here!

Introducing... "Caring For Ophans"

I know, I know...

"Not another blog," you're saying right now.

Trust me, I understand your sentiments. I've been saying those words to myself for months now. Ever since I began feeling the Lord prompting me to create a new blog.

And believe me: I tried to do a Jonah, if you remember that guy in the bible who tried to run from God. Isn't that crazy? How does one "run from God?"

I don't know, but I sure tried.

I've known for several months now that God has been wanting me to begin a blog solely about adoption, foster care and orphans. I just kept saying to myself, "Another blog? Not another blog..."

In my current blog, "Deep Waters", I often publish posts about adoption and/or foster care. I've highlighted famous adoptees. I've shared about my involvement in adoption/foster care nonprofits like The CALL. And I've retold the adoption journey that led me to my now 12-year-old Christian, adopted from Russia.

Sometimes, I post random musings about these subjects like "Five Things Not to Say to Adoptive Parents".

Basically, I've talked a lot about adoption there.

Well, now it's time to talk a lot more about adoption here.

So, my question is: will YOU join me for the journey? The road may be windy and a little bumpy at times, but I'd love to have you here beside me. So...

Let's go!

CARLA