"Yeah, what she said..." Foster Care Advocate Rep. Karen Bass

"The purpose of influence is to speak up for those who have no influence."

I love this quote from Pastor Rick Warren, author of The Purpose-Driven Life. I've repeated these words ever since I heard them spoken during a CNN interview with Piers Morgan.

I've also tried to live them.

In my own small circle of influence, I've committed to speak up for the fatherless -- children without families, without loving parents, without a safe place to lay their heads at night.

What encourages me even more is when I see or hear or read about someone else speaking up for the fatherless too -- especially someone with huge influence.

So I was excited to read an article in the May issue of Essence Magazine entitled "Fostering Hope: A powerful voice in politics works to reform America's foster care system." "Fostering Hope" highlighted California Representative Karen Bass, founder of the newly-created Congressional Caucus on Foster Youth, whose "voice rings loudest for those she says are most silenced."

Rep. Karen Bass

As I read this story, I felt myself thinking, "Yeah, what she said!" 

Rep. Bass is committed to fight for foster care reform and new legislation created to empower U.S. foster children. 

So I'll share a little of what she said here...

According to Rep. Bass, the worst challenge facing today's foster children is instability.

"They know that at any moment a social worker can yank them out of their foster home or school. Foster youth don't get to be normal, outrageous teenagers... Because of this, these youngsters lack secure connections with adults, and without a stable home and parent, other issues arise, usually with their education and health. Some switch schools multiple times, while others run away, become homeless and abuse substances. And a new phenomenon is that older men -- and tragically even some foster boys -- lure foster girls into sex work, mostly starting at age 12."

Runaways, homelessness, substance abuse, sex trafficking... The future is bleak for many foster children.

Yet as much as I love the push to support foster children, recently God's been moving my heart to take a "step backward" in my advocacy for children. While I'm still very passionate about finding homes for children who need either temporary foster families or permanent forever families, I'm also rooting for ministries that support at-risk children before they are removed from their original families. 

I pray that more children can be supported before they become orphans.

I was delighted to discover that Rep. Bass agrees..

"Most states and countries have serious restrictions on federal financing for foster youth. The system normally requires social workers to remove a child from the biological parents before the foster care system can provide that child with money or resources. A better solution would be to use the money to help that child's family and, if possible, not put the child in the system at all."

All I can say is, "Yeah, what she said!"


**Think about it: Who are you using your influence for today? Who are you speaking up for today?

Carla

Great Minds Thinking Alike: Jen Hatmaker

A couple weeks ago, I felt a heavy burden in the area of adoption and orphan care.

My burden resulted in my last post, "Orphan Justice: How Adoption Only Scratches the Surface". This post led to a great conversation with like-minded people on the subject, and also led me to writer/ speaker/pastor's wife Jen Hatmaker's blog series - "Examining Adoption Ethics."

When I read her third installment, I kept thinking, "Yes! Amen! Hallelujah!" Because I didn't realize I'd been echoing her sentiments in my own blog.

I'll pull out a few highlights and notable quotes for you:

"...Let's get our numbers straight... There are an estimated 153 million kids who've lost only one parent, so the term "orphan" is somewhat misleading... Unicef estimates around 2 million children in institutional care..."

My tidbit: Folks we've got to get our numbers right when we cite the number of "orphans" in the world. Although 2 million is a very large number (and UNICEF admits that this number is low due to underreporting in certain countries), it's a lot lower than 153 million!

Another thing I'm learning from my friends and co-laborers in the Arkansas Department of Children and Family Services... The word "orphan" is a misnomer for the 500,000 children in US foster care. These children almost always have a living parent, so they are nobody's orphans. As Christians, we understand the biblical mandate to "Care for Orphans," but we have to know in our hearts that we are oftentimes not dealing with a true "orphan."

"If we are truly concerned about orphan care, international adoption simply cannot be where we concentrate all our efforts. It leaves too many children behind."

My tidbit: I wholeheartedly agree with my Sister. And I'm the mother of a son adopted internationally. We've got to find strategies to encourage Russians to adopt Russian children, Ethiopians to adopt Ethiopian children and South Koreans to adopt South Korean children.

In his book Orphan Justice, Johnny Carr emphatically agrees, and works diligently towards that end. But I blogged about that last time...

My last Hatmaker quote:

"It is unacceptable that poverty makes orphans. That is a gross injustice at the root of these astronomical numbers. If you must relinquish your child because you cannot feed, educate, or care for him, the international community should rise up and wage war against that inequity. Every family deserves basic human rights, and I should not get to raise your child simply because I can feed him and you can't. 

"To that end, what better response than working to preserve (or reunite) first families where poverty or disempowerment is an orphan-maker?"

My tidbit: Amen! Amen! Amen!

For the last six months or so, God's been doing a transformational work on my heart. I am feeling a draw to support efforts that not only serve and benefit children displaced from their birth families, but to support the efforts that take a step backwards in this process.

How amazing would it be to not only care for orphans, but to care for disadvantaged families, with the hope and prayer that maybe their children will never become orphans?

This is no small undertaking. This is no minor calling. And this isn't as cute as adopting that adorable brown-eyed nine-month-old from Ethiopia.

No, this is a calling to get into the dirt and grime of material and spiritual poverty.

This is a calling to go where Jesus went.

It's a calling to go where He already is.

Let's go, Family.


Love,

Carla

Orphan Justice: How Adoption Only Scratches the Surface

I recently finished a book that challenged me in ways I didn't expect.

When I picked up Johnny Carr's Orphan Justice: How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting, I figured Brother Johnny would just be preaching to the choir. 

After all I've not only adopted two children, but I have also dedicated my life to fighting for other children that continue to wait for a loving adoptive family.

And who knows how many hours I've given to volunteer work for The CALL, a nonprofit organization in Arkansas that recruits prospective foster and adoptive parents from local churches, then provides the state-mandated training for those parents.

Surely I'd be considered "the choir" when it comes to orphan care ministry.

How wrong I was.

Orphan Justice not only encouraged me to continue fighting for the world's most vulnerable children, it also encouraged me to minister in ways that I'd not previously considered.

Today, I'll share my biggest "Ah hah" moment from the book:

Adoption Ain't Always the Answer

In his introduction, Carr cites that humongous statistic from UNICEF: 153 million kids worldwide that have lost one or both parents.

But then he makes this statement: 

"You may think I am here to tell you that American Christians need to step up and adopt all of these orphaned children. I am not. I believe adoption is a great ministry; in fact, I have adopted kids of my own. However, not all of these 153 million kids can - or need to - be adopted. But they do need our help. And we must give that help, because orphaned and vulnerable children have no other hope or future."

For the past year, God has been challenging me in my fierce support of adoption. He has shown that at times adoption can be the easy way out. 

Now, I still believe God calls many of us to foster and adopt children in need. I'll preach that sermon until the day I die.

But stay with me here...

Think about it: It's easier to terminate a parent's parental rights than to provide long-term parental training, guidance and mentorship. It's easier to find an adoptive family for a baby that was abandoned due to his or her parents' financial desperation than to financially assist the family and help them find sustainable sources of income.

It's also easier to love a cute, cuddly baby or toddler than it is to love their drug-addicted or incarcerated or homeless parent.

Bottom line: As long as the adoption process can take, it's definitely a lot faster - and easier - than walking alongside a family to help them support and raise their own child.

So What Can We Do?

Imagine a world where Ethiopian people open their homes to all the orphans in Ethiopia. Where Russians open their homes to each Russian orphan. Where Indians open their homes to every orphan in India. 

A world where international adoption is seldom necessary.

A world where orphanages are seldom needed.

As the national director of Bethany Christian Services' Church Partnerships, Johnny Carr is leading a movement to help Christians and churches in countries around the world care for their own orphans. In Ethiopia, Bethany has trained Ethiopian pastors to promote and help facilitate local foster care for orphaned children. So instead of living in orphanages, these children live with loving, godly families.

We can financially support, pray for and possibly volunteer for ministries like these.

We can also seek ways to encourage vulnerable families right in our own communities.

"People in poverty need support systems, good role models, and knowledge of the 'hidden rules' of the middle class," says Carr. "Many poor people, especially those whose families have been impoverished for generations, do not have these resources available to them, they don't know how to get them, and most do not even know they need them. As Christ followers, we need to help provide these resources in order to help children and their families get out of poverty, which will then decrease the number of orphaned, abandoned, and vulnerable children in our society. We are commanded to help orphans, but how much better it is if we can prevent children from becoming orphaned or abandoned in the first place."

This, my friends, is Christianity at work. This is the gospel in action. This is the call of the Church.

So what are we going to do about it?

Carla

Hitting Home: Crisis in US Foster Care

What comes to mind when you hear the word orphan?

You may think of children far away, across the seas.

You may think of the Indian or Russian or Sudanese child that has lost his or her parents to AIDS or extreme poverty or civil war.

Your mind may conjure up images of the children you've seen on world relief organizations' commercials -- distended bellies, bodies like skeletons, flies landing on nearly every body part...

And while that image truly exists in many parts of the world, let's not forget a simple truth: There are orphans right here in America.

The orphan crisis in the US may look a little different from other countries, but it's still a crisis, one I've ranted over before.

Well, since it's May and happens to also be Foster Care Awareness Month, I feel the need to rant a little more. Please bear with me for just a bit...

Today over 500,000 children are in state foster care in the U.S. 

Unfortunately, most states don't have a sufficient number of foster care homes to take in these children.

Many foster children end up in temporary shelters and group homes, when what they really need is a safe short-term family.

Of these 500,000 foster children, over 100,000 are legal orphans, meaning while they may have at least one living parent, their parents' legal parental rights have been terminated in the courts of their respective states.

...Which means - there are over 100,000 children in our country waiting to be adopted.

Few of these children are blonde, blue-eyed infants.

Most of them are over the age of 6.

Some of them are teenagers that have bounced from home to home.

Many of them have special needs and behavioral challenges.

Many of them are African American.

ALL of them need a loving family - TODAY.

There are many wonderful Christian organizations working hard to meet the needs of foster children in their respective states: The CALL, Project Zero, Project 1.27, 4Kids of South Florida, just to name a few.

But they need individual Christians to join in their mission.

What can YOU do? What can I do?

It's a question we must ask ourselves.

It's a question we should seek God about.

Will you?


Carla

Christian Alliance for Orphans' Summit 9: My Biggest Takeaway

Last week I attended Christian Alliance for Orphans' (CAFO) 9th Annual Summit.

It was an amazing time.

I'd be writing ALL DAY if I wrote every single take-away I received.

There were adoptive parents and singer-songwriters Steven Curtis Chapman and Nicole C. Mullen that moved the audience with their words as much as their songs.

Then there were the keynote speakers...

Senator Michele Bachmann shared her heart as the mother of 5 biological children and 23 foster children over the years.

Stephen Ucembe told the heartbreaking story of life in a Kenyan orphanage where he received food and clothing, but no hugs, no smiles, no love.

Bishop W.C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas (yes - "Possum Trot, Texas") shared the story of a teeny tiny church in a teeny tiny town that's done HUGE things for Jesus. A pastor and adoptive father, he leads a small church that has adopted 76 children out of Texas' state foster care system. 76 children! Speaking of his small congregation, he said, "We don't have Ph.D.'s and secretaries and people sitting at computers all day, but we have true love. We are doers of the Word."

David Platt reminded us that our heart for orphans simply mirrors the heart of God for His children. He instructed us to think rightly about our call to care for orphans, saying "We are not rescuers. We are the rescued. That's why we care for orphans."

And the list goes on and on...

However, the most compelling session for me was Dr. Karyn Purvis' 4-hour intensive pre-conference workshop.

Dr. Purvis, director of Texas Christian University's Institute of Child Development, has done years of research on adoption and attachment. Her workshop revealed the effects of a child's unhealthy attachment to his or her parents and the beautiful results of an "emotionally available" parent of a child with a traumatic past.

Dr. Purvis' workshop sent me through a rollercoaster of emotions. I laughed. I cried. But mostly I felt understanding, awareness and grace as I reminisced on how often I've gotten it wrong with my own children.

Some memorable quotes:

"You can give them food, clothes and shoes, but only healthy relationships can heal the pain of a high-risk child." Relief organizations are wonderful and necessary, but children in crisis really need a loving mom and dad.

"Our eyes are a mirror to our child." When I look at my child with eyes of love and acceptance -- even when correcting him or her -- they feel loved and accepted.

"Are you parenting your child out of your wounding, your healing or your journey to healing?" If I don't do the work of sorting through my past and present emotional pain, I can't possibly help my child work through his or hers.

And this is just a small sampling from Dr. Purvis and her book, The Connected Child. 

I am already changed. I am conscious of my tone of voice and facial expressions when I talk with my children, especially Christian, adopted out of a Russian orphanage at age 2. I am generous with words of praise and with touch.

And I've noticed already - my sweet son is a little happier, a little less grumpy and slower to blow up in anger over small things.

To God be the glory.

And thanks to CAFO for Summit 9!

Love,

Carla

Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 3

Why do many people never consider adoption? The reasons are many.

I. They don't believe they can love an adopted child like a biological one.

II. They don't know what they're going to get.

And drum roll for numero tres...

III. Adoption is so doggone expensive!

Reason #3 is probably the reason I've heard more often than any other. 

Here's a common scenario: An eager would-be adoptive parent breaks out of the starting gate researching adoption through several sources: the internet, stacks of books from the library and the bookstore and through social media.

And of course, they interview other people that have already adopted children.

Before adopting my son Christian, my husband Anthony and I did all this. (Well, except the social media step. I didn't know what social media was back in 2002!)

And I also remember the night that Anthony and I sat in our first informational meeting at Children's Hope International in Brentwood, Tennessee. The agency director had explained the general process of international adoption and answered a few questions. She'd also slipped a picture of a gorgeous 2-year-old Christian into my lap, causing me to miss much of what she said that evening.

I was so sure we were supposed to adopt this little boy from Russia.

And then the inevitable happened.

She began to discuss their adoption fees, and it was all downhill from there.

My husband says to this day that once he heard the bottom line cost of a Russian adoption, he just knew this adoption couldn't possibly be God's will!

Thank God we had sense enough to move beyond our emotions to a place of prayer and fasting, during which time the Lord clearly told us to move forward to adopt Christian.

Bottom line: I totally get the "sticker shock" people feel over adoption fees.

It's understandable when research shows that adoption can cost anywhere from $5000 to $50,000*.


The U.S. and international adoption process can be quite complex, with many factors to consider. There are medical fees for the birth mother, attorney fees and adoption agency staff salaries. Oftentimes, there are travel costs to tally up as well.


This is no small investment.

And yet, I have yet to meet an adoptive parent who says it wasn't worth it.

But there is help for those venturing into the complicated terrains of adoption. Just googling the words "funding an adoption" provides several links to websites dedicated to helping people find ways to pay for their adoptions.

There are grants created solely for adoptions. Many corporations provide their employees with matching grants. Some churches provide financial gifts towards members' adoptions. And of course there are many, many creative ways to save for and raise adoption fees - like yard sales, benefit concerts and online small businesses.

The major question, however, is not "How can I afford an adoption?"

The real question is, "Am I really called to adopt?"

Because, ultimately, anything God calls me to do, He's going to make it happen.

Even when I don't have enough money sitting in the bank.

After all, He's "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."**

Knowing that, I ask, could He possibly provide the monies you need to adopt a child?

He did for me.

And of course, He can do if for you too.

Carla


* Please note that adoption through your state's foster care system requires little, and sometimes almost no cost at all. This is a wonderful option for families willing to consider children with more special needs and older children. And there is a huge need for families like this in every state.

** Ephesians 3:20

Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 2

If you read "Top Reasons People DON'T Adopt: Take 1" earlier this week, you know I'm writing a series examining why many people say no to adoption.

One reason, which happens to be a very important one, is they don't feel called to adopt. And although God tells us all to care for orphans (James 1:27), we're not all called to adopt.

However, I believe that many more people would at least consider adoption if they overcame their fears and reservations.

I've decided to call out those fears and reservations here at "Caring For Orphans".

Without further ado... Numero Dos:

When you adopt a child, you don't know what you're going to get.

First of all, if you've ever said or thought these words...

You're right!

Even if you receive extensive medical background on your child's birth mother and birth father, which is rare even in a domestic (United States) adoption, you still don't know exactly what you're going to get. Your child could develop cancer or childhood diabetes or even a mental disorder.

But guess what?

So could your biological children.

And yet, there is a sense of security in knowing your child's medical history. You know Aunt Suzy died after a battle with breast cancer. You're aware of Uncle Ned's alcoholism, even if the family tries desperately to hide it.

And on the spiritual side...

There is a peace in knowing that you and your spouse prayed for your child during pregnancy -- some even before conception takes place. There's a peace in knowing the spiritual legacy of your child.

There's so much security in knowing.

But sometimes, we can have a false security in parenthood. We expect our children to turn out exactly the way we've prayed they would. We expect our children to be godly and accomplished and smart. We expect our children to be mentally, physically and spiritually healthy -- just as we've prayed they would.

One of the most difficult realities of parenthood is -- there are no guarantees.

That's true whether our children join our family through biology or adoption.

Now, just to keep it real...

There may some special concerns with an adopted child, especially when you consider the trauma a baby experiences by being separated from his or her birthparents. Especially if you consider a child adopted at at an older age, a child that remembers life pre-adoption. And especially if you consider a child that struggles with feelings of abandonment and rejection by the very people that brought him or her into the world.

Let's just be real -- raising an adopted child isn't easy.

But then, raising a child -- even a biological one -- isn't easy. 

Amen.

And we're never guaranteed a healthy, smart, spiritually-whole child. Even the ones we birth.

We guide, we teach, we love and we pray. And we believe the best for each of our children, knowing that their heavenly Father would want nothing less for them.

And we mustn't allow our fears to prevent us from opening our hearts and our homes to a child that desperately need us.


Carla